Really? Again?

Well - it's 6 AM.

I've been awake for an hour & a 1/2. I know for some Moms, that's actually a late start. But for this Mom... that's far too early before having this actual baby instigate the sleep problems. Blargh.

Last week, David got a pretty bad cough. We assumed it was from the fires that were going on down here because, holy COW! was the air quality bad!


Last year, during the fires that surrounded us, the same thing happened to him. He has mild asthma and some allergies and so it seemed to affect him more than either Malia or I. Then, last weekend, I sent him to Urgent Care because I thought it may be more than that. The cough was pretty bad and it looked like he may have strep throat. Oddly enough, the doctor said "nope" to the strep, that his cough was most likely from the smoke, and that he did have pink eye. (Are you freaking kidding me?! Random. Oh, and just marvelous, too).

So, now, a week later, this supposed "smoke-induced" cough has spread to both Malia and I. Obviously, it was more than just the fires. It's gotta' be some evil virus. Let me tell you something about being this pregnant (38 weeks) and having a dry, hacking cough that causes abdominal tension. It SUCKS! (Don't even get me started on when I had an attack earlier today while also having a Braxton Hicks contraction! OUCH!) But what sucks even more is my reason for being awake already. Malia is so affected by this cough and it's so hard on a mother to actually try to sleep with her daughter hacking and nearly dry-heaving from a severe cough in the other room. (Oh, and P.S. she ended up getting pink eye, too). I woke at 4:30 to do one of my nightly/early morning bladder-emptying runs, and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I heard Malia begin with an eruption of coughing. Since then, I've been in there about 5 times, doing no good because there really isn't anything you can do for a child under the age of 6 when they have a cough (cough suppressants are off limits because they do more harm than good at this age). I've tried holding her on my lap, thinking that maybe being upright will help. I've tried giving her a drink of water. I've even given her basic Tylenol. I woke David to give her a blessing (sorry, hon). And I even tried simply laying next to her, trying to snuggle the cough away.

It's now 6:30 and I think her coughing has subsided... for now. But I'm far too awake to even try going back to sleep at this point. I think Malia has been sick at least 1/2 a dozen times in 4 months. And the majority of those times, I've actually had to take her to the doctor as they've all been more than the "common cold." (and anyone who knows me well, knows that the doctor is a last resort)! It's been a rough season for her. Well - ok. Enough of my tragic story. She'll get better soon... and then this baby will be here in just over a week... and then Malia will get sick again. LOL

On a lighter note: We went to the Irvine Spectrum a couple weeks ago for FHE so that Malia could ride the big ferris wheel. Just thought I'd post a few pictures for your viewing pleasure. :)


I love the above picture because Malia absolutely loves other children. These 2 girls were sitting in the children's books section, reading your basic pre-teen mags and Malia wanted to be a part of it, so she just stood up and walked over to them and started "reading." After a few minutes, she just looks over and tries talking to the girls like they've been pals for years. It was so cute! The kid cracks. me. up. I just... what can I say?... I just adore her.

Why I love C.S. Lewis

I am an incredibly emotion-driven person by nature. And even though I like to argue occasionally that I am not your "typical female" in that I like to tell myself I am logical and rational... I'm probably not. That's why it suits me to be a religious person as well. My spirit is in such command over my brain that arguments of a spiritual nature seem totally and completely valid to me and no amount of scientific evidence or statistics can ever change my mind. And if I am really losing the debate, I'll just cry and bear my testimony and wham-o! It's done. Heh.

When I read C.S. Lewis, however, I am thrown into a wonderful world where logic and the scientific process actually have a place in the spiritual realm. If you haven't read Mere Christianity... do it. He has such an ingenious way of putting things into terms that the scholars of the world can't really argue with him. And I love it.

That is why, as I stumbled across this blog entry today, I was very impressed. Whoever this guy is - he just put some things into such plain & logical terms. I don't know if he's necessarily right, I mean, it's all just his opinion.... but he's definitely convincing. Anyone out there who still struggles a little with this whole "Prop 8" debacle and the Church's involvement could definitely benefit from reading this.

Enjoy.

http://www.bycommonconsent.com/2008/11/prop-8-redux-afterthoughts/

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

And Ultimately? It's the Simple Things

Blah, blah, blah, BLECH! Done talking about that other stuff.

Ptooey!

I have some awesome, awesome news! Malia has been "potty-trained" for almost 2 months now. And what I mean by that is that she has been wearing underwear all day long and goes potty in the toilet, no exceptions... however, she has never done "#2" in the toilet. I've mentioned before that she has had issues with constipation her whole life (just another one of the many joyous aftermaths of colic). And thus she has only been willing to poop in diapers. So on days when she starts showing signs of wanting to have a movement, she starts to cry and hold onto her behind and look very traumatized. I'll put a diaper on her and then a good hour or two goes by where she is just pretty much inconsolable until she finally gives in and allows herself to poop. It's become a psychological roadblock for her. She's terrified of pooping because she thinks it will hurt.

Well - I'll spare you some of the details - (who am I kidding? No, I won't) - but yesterday, for the first time, she pooped in the toilet! YAY! She started to cry and asked for a diaper and I ran her upstairs and sat her on the toilet (all while she screamed, "Don't want to poop on the toilet. I need a diaper! I. Need. A. DIAPER!!!!") We've done this act before. I run her to the toilet hoping, one day, she'll just give in, and she just holds it in even longer, screaming and looking incredibly betrayed until, after 10 minutes, I get exhausted of her tantrum and just put the diaper on her. But this time, I sat her down when, all of the sudden she stops crying, I see a look of "push" on her face... and out it came!

YAHOO!!!!!

And want to hear something funny? I felt tears well up inside me. I've had friends recently tell me they almost cried after voting at this year's elections. Not me. But my daughter finally poops in the toilet and I am ecstatic and moved beyond belief. That's right. Don't tell me about my priorities! And sweet little Malia could see I was so happy for her and she just grinned from ear-to-ear. "I pooped Mommy! I pooped! In the toilet like a big girl. Like you!"

Boy did I hug her madly.

Anyway, that's my story. I was so happy for her. We even called Grandma in "Apple Dalley" to share the wonderful news. And when Daddy came home, she yelled it so loud and she was so proud, and he did a great job of showing her that he was so happy for her. Yup. And that is where the good stuff comes from. That's why families rule. You don't get moments like that outside of the walls of your own little home of understanding each others' triumphs.

Here are some pictures of Malia to enjoy that were taken while we stood in line for "Nemo" at Disneyland the other day. (These are all faces I told her to make as I was taking her picture... and she does it, too). You really can't truly get the full effect of who the kid is, though, without actually being there with her. She is freaking awesome.

"Mean face"

"Sad face"

"Surprised"

"Happy"

"Silly eyes"
(my current favorite)

Primary Children's Songbook - Page 110

So, I really would rather not talk about political stuff anymore. And this isn't a political topic I'm about to address... but these thoughts were obviously ignited by the political campaigns of this past few months. So, for that, I apologize. However, I feel the need to get these things off of my chest, and Malia is just not interested.

... trust me, I tried...

When Prop 8 was first presented, I had decided I was going to vote "No."

*GASP!*

I have my reasons. They're good reasons. They are reasons stemmed from knowing the people that I know and the feelings in my heart for them and who they are. Feelings that, I feel, are justifiably good feelings. Feelings of compassion & genuine love. I felt that people should simply have the choice to live their lifestyle the way they wanted. Afterall, that is exactly what free agency is about. And free agency was so important to our Heavenly Father that he was willing to pretty much "banish" 1/3 of His children to protect it. Children He loved. He allows us the right to choose for ourselves. The catch is, of course, we face consequences. But it is still our choice to make. So, I figured, let them be given the rights to make the choices they want. If and when consequences are faced, who am I to have anything to do with it? I'm not.

However, when the Church came out with an official statement to vote "Yes," there was no doubt in my mind I would, indeed, vote "Yes." No, it wasn't an immediate, "Yessir! I'll do that, Sir!" It was more like a, "Really? Ok. But I don't really feel like I want to. But I will."

Some people might think that was cowardly of me. They might think, "So, just because one of those old guys who are totally out-of-touch with the world today said to, you're going to?"

Yeah. Pretty much.

I have struggled with this proposition ever since that point. I haven't gone back-&-forth between whether or not I'd vote a certain way. As I said, once the statement was made by the leaders, I chose to follow. But where I had turmoil was that I didn't really want to vote that way. I was going to vote as the prophet asked. I just didn't want to.

But, I've been very blessed in my life in that I have always been obedient to the teachings of the Church without it really causing me too much of an internal struggle. Kind of a "What? The teachings of the Church say 'this?' Ok, then. That's what I'll do." Besides, there are a lot of things in this life we've been asked to do or not do by the prophet that don't sound wonderful. But we do them. Because we've been asked by, basically, the Lord.

And I've been promised time and time again that, if I follow the prophet, that I will not only be blessed, but that he will also guide me in times when I don't have the knowledge or foresight to do it for myself. Sounded like a pretty good deal to me. Obviously, I am entitled to personal revelation, but let's just say that, especially during those first few months of motherhood, I learned that personal revelation and I aren't the best at communicating with each other. So, at those times when my knees are worn out and my heart is exhausted at listening for any sort of still small voice? I turn to the prophet. Always have. Hopefully, I always will.

"Always keep your eye on the President of the Church, and if he ever tells you to do anything, even if it is wrong, and you do it, the Lord will bless you for it but you don't need to worry. The Lord will never let His mouthpiece lead the people astray."
-LDS President Heber J. Grant-

"The Lord Almighty leads this Church, and He will never suffer you to be led astray if you are found doing your duty. You may go home and sleep as sweetly as a babe in its mother's arms, as to any danger of your leaders leading you astray, for if they should try to do so the Lord would quickly sweep them from the earth."
-Brigham Young-

"When the Prophet speaks the debate is over".
-N. Eldon Tanner-

"The Lord will never permit me or any other man who stands as President of this Church to lead you astray."
-President Wilford Woodruff-

So, that's what I did. I "followed the Prophet." And I feel good about it. Things going on in CA right now sure make my stomach turn a little, simply because it really is very sad. There was really no such thing as a "win" in this case. Either way, someone was going to be defeated. And upset... rightfully so.

But what bothers me is this: I understand that there are some Members of the Church out there who, for whatever reason, just could not bring themselves to pass this. I understand. Maybe some of them have children who are homosexuals. Maybe others have dear friends whose lives they've seen influenced with happiness over being able to marry their partner. I don't know their reasons, but they're entitled to that.

That is fine.

HOWEVER - the fact that they are so openly disobeying the prophet by posting negatively on websites and calling gay rights groups and apologizing drives me crazy! And what drives me even more crazy is that they are not only openly denying the Prophet of the Lord, but that they are even going so far as to criticize Him & the Church completely.

We are allowed to live our lives how we choose, as I said before. And yes, the Lord protected that right even before we came to this earth. However, please, please, PLEASE! do not smile without batting an eye & call yourself a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints if you are going to do nothing to protect it and defend it and face the wrath of man in order to protect the sanctity of Jesus Christ's Gospel and the men He has entrusted to hold its keys on this earth.

I have no intentions to outright judge these members or call for their excommunication. Again, not my place. But my heart is breaking because my brothers & sisters in the Gospel, who know better, have turned their backs on the Lord's representative, all for the sake of appearing compassionate to the world. If they did it quietly because that's the need they had to fulfill, that is ok. But to parade around as if they are better than those who followed in "blind faith" just because they want the world to know they aren't "bigots?" That is placing fear of man over fear of God.

Who's the actual coward?

Ok - Somehow I Must've Misread the Signs of the 2nd Coming...

... because apparently, it's here.

Now - don't get me wrong. I'm sure many people had very good reasons for voting for Barack Obama. I'm sure there are many wonderful things he will be doing in office. Hopefully, he makes good on some of those "too-good-to-be-true-sounding" promises. I want nothing MORE than for him to actually successfully pull off all the things that he claims he will do to improve the current state of our country. And I think it is absolutely phenomenal that we officially have a black man going into the white house. And I do like listening to him talk. And he is fairly good-looking. And he does have a gift with powerful speeches. And he does make some promises that sound... well, promising (I'll be gol'-darned ticked, however, if that income number for raising taxes gets any lower, though). And his wife does have a certain charisma. And yes, we even both have a daughter with the same name.

But, come on, people! He is not Superman. He is not Mighty Mouse. And he is, by no means, NOT the Messiah! I am appalled by the extreme emotional support of this man as if he is a god-send, sent to perfect every little damage that has been done. I am worried we will be disappointed. Not because he is a democrat. Not because I voted for that other old guy with the annoying running mate. But because he is a man. A MORTAL man. And a politician, for crying out loud! So please - stop fanning yourselves and passing out in admiration and awe as if he were a Beatle or Michael Jackson (in the 80s) or, dare I say it again... the Messiah. Because he is not the Messiah.

... I know this because the scriptures revealed I probably would be burnt stubble by now if that had been the case.

I'm just sayin'.

This whole Proposition 8.... thing

I haven't really publicly said much about what's going on with this. I've never really been that into politics. Even when they are centered on moral issues, which is a huge driving force in my life, I tend to stay silent outside of the confines of my home and husband. There's a reason for this.

In high school, I was taking American Government my senior year. The teacher, Mr. Slough, was also my 1st period Psychology teacher. I really liked him. He was funny and smart and he liked to tease me. He knew I was LDS. But what he also knew was that I was actively LDS and clung very close to my standards... which wasn't common among a lot of the youth in the Church at my school. He wasn't LDS, but he respected me and seemed to really get a kick out of saying things to me about being Mormon just to get a reaction. I knew it was a tease that came from a loving place, so it never bothered me. He didn't attack the Church. He just teased me and called me "goody-two-shoes" and "the singing Mormon." Like I said, I liked him, so it was always just fun little back-&-forth banter.

Well - one day in my American Government class, there were about 1/2 a dozen questions written on the board as we walked in. All of the questions had something to do with legalizing things that were of a very moral nature, i.e. if you didn't view some things as "immoral," then you were most likely not going to have a problem with them being legalized. Things like: abortion, marijuana, prostitution... and homosexual marriage.

I sat fairly quiet for the majority of the class period as my peers all argued for legalizing the majority of those things. I didn't want to speak up because I knew that I was going to be in the minority. I mean, literally, I was going to be the only one who would feel how I felt out of a class of 25+ kids, most of whom I'd known since, at least, the 7th grade... I'd already been ostracized by them for years just for being "a weird Mormon." No reason to only heighten the attacks. I listened, but I never spoke.

The last question was about homosexual marriage. The boys made funny comments here and there, but, for the most part, the class was in agreement that they should, indeed, be allowed to marry. Out of nowhere, Mr. Slough called my name. "Miss Winkel. You're being unusually quiet today. What do you have to say about this?" I looked up in horror. I gave him the worst stink eye you could possibly imagine. I could feel the eyes of my peers, glaring at me. It was no secret that I was a religious girl who they often picked on for such. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. BUT - I decided to go for it.

(I'm now ashamed to admit that I was really so much braver back then... I miss her sometimes).

"Well - in my opinion, homosexuals shouldn't be allowed to get married because it's not natural and it's not like they could become parents, anyway, seeing as how that's one of the main reasons to even GET married."

Has anyone ever witnessed a lynch mob?

Has anyone ever witnessed a lynch mob from the perspective of the lynchee?

I was actually excused from the class by Mr. Slough due to the barrage of attacks that followed my comments. Don't know why he was interested in saving my life after he was the one who initially threw me to the wolves, but, whatever.

I thought a lot about that day for years. As I grew older, less judgemental, and I gained more perspective, my opinions on a lot of things changed. One thing that really changed was how I felt towards homosexuals in general. While performing in Japan, a great majority of my friends were gay. And I loved them! And we had good times together. And, as long as I didn't ever participate in the night scene with them, our conflicts of interest never seemed to get in the way of some amazing friendships.

As a student at BYU, I wrote at least 1/2 a dozen papers on homosexuality because it had become a subject of great interest for me, as well as some emotional turmoil. I really did love so many of my gay friends, and many of them were God-fearing people just as I was. And most of them were otherwise better people than the majority of my straight friends. But one day, as a complete shock to me, my now-husband-then-fiance' asked me, in all seriousness, if I intended to teach our future children that homosexuality was ultimately very normal and to embrace it and see it as an acceptable lifestyle. It bothered me for weeks that he didn't know the answer to that; that he would even ask that! But I know why he did. I had gone from being a bigoted and close-minded religious zealot to the extreme opposite of embracing things that I knew were not altogether correct. I came to the conclusion, while writing a paper for a religion class, that homosexuality was something I needed to always remember was not a righteous choice and I had to let that be known whenever questioned about it. But I also felt it was important to love and embrace the person.... just not embrace the lifestyle. It was important to me that both of those things were evident. Be as loving as possible while never straying from what I knew to be right.

That's why this Prop 8 measure has been driving me bananas. There is a huge part of me that thinks, "Ok. Fine. Let them have it. I mean, who am I to impose upon them a choice like that? If they want to do that, that's their life and their decision." However, after careful thought and long discussions with David, I've had to look at this from the perspective of a mother and a member of the Church, beyond any of the feelings of "so-called tolerance" I've been confused by. What do I want my children to be taught? Is there ever going to be a line drawn for tolerance? This isn't the same as women voting and blacks having rights and freedoms...

... because, ultimately, it comes down to whether or not you view homosexuality as a choice; an immoral choice. As much as I love many of my dear friends... I can't deny my testimony. And my testimony tells me that it is unnatural and not of God to use the sacred powers of procreation with someone of the same sex. Because, while that gift is for more then just "making babies," it is called the power of PROCREATION for a reason.

I wondered to myself if it was really "Law's" place to even get involved, however, and that was where my struggle really came from. And when the Church got involved, it really threw me for a loop. And what about separation of church & state? But then again, without God, we wouldn't even have this country. I didn't LIKE the Church getting involved in politics. I was really starting to like the approach we had recently taken of trying to show a more Christ-like compassion in general. Plus, ugh! I was really going to tick off a lot of friends. But who do I fear more? God? Or man?

After thinking and thinking... and praying.... and thinking, I came to this conclusion. Even if there are things I don't like about Proposition 8, there are 2 things I am SURE of:

1) I am a mother. And as a mother with that divine calling, I have the responsibility to my children to provide a life filled with righteous teachings and to do my best to protect the things I teach to them about the Gospel both inside and outside of the walls of our home. These children will be facing things I can't even imagine, but if I can have any say in the matter as far as exactly what it is they will encounter "out there," then, doggone-it!, I'd better do so, no matter how unpopular or unsavory the task.

2) I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. And when I go to my temple recommend interviews and they ask me if I believe in God & Jesus Christ, I say yes. And when I take the sacrament every Sunday, I vow to represent them in the way I know I should. And when they ask me if I sustain the living prophet, knowing he was ordained by God, I say yes. And if the prophet of the Lord asks me to do something, even if that something causes me a little bit of inner turmoil, then I'd better do it, putting full faith and trust in him, because I told the Lord I would.

And I hate breaking promises to the Lord. The repercussions are nasty.

So, I have to say it. Vote YES on Prop 8. Protect the family. Protect the future of your children's education. And, if for no other reason, do it because you've been asked to. That's not "blind faith."

It's obedience.

All Hallows' Even

Now I realize why I need to blog more frequently... it took me forever to upload all these photos! I probably could've posted less of them, but it's hard to pick & choose when your kid is as cute as mine. (What? You say everyone says that about their own kids on their blogs? What're you talking about?! How can that be? But my kid really is the cutest in the whole universe)!

;)

So I am a huge fan of the holiday season. Once October hits, I am a much happier person because, from here on out, I have things to look forward to that break the monotony of my everyday life of mac & cheese and Spongebob. I am always more able to convince Dave to take us to things like festivals and pumpkin patches when there's a holiday involved.

So we began October with an FHE visit to a "Pumpkin Patch." - i.e. a place where there are pre-picked pumpkins being sold at ridiculous prices and painfully expensive bounce houses, pony rides, etc. that your child begs & pleads to go on, as if their life depends on it and you just can't say "no" because it is, after all, in the name of Halloween. I had way more pictures of this little FHE excursion, but they got lost somewhere in the uploading process. I'm a little ticked. I found a couple of cute ones, though.

For Family Home Evening the next week, we decided to make Halloween sugar cookies. You know? There are some things you can get a 2 & a 1/2 year old crazy excited about until it's time to actually do it... and then they go totally nuts with boredom and you end up doing the entire project yourself. I had to bribe her with the opportunity to actually eat one of the cookies in order to keep her involved for more than 5 minutes. That helped a little. Oh, and activities that are notorious for being messy can actually be MORE messy than you remember.



David's family came down from Issaquah (Washington) to go play at Disneyland so we joined them. It was so great to have David taking a couple of days off from work, too. We played with them in The Park all day and then changed into our Halloween costumes in order to go to a special Halloween event at California Adventure.


I love this picture of two grown men riding Dumbo because Malia wanted to ride with her Aunt Elise and her Mommy. So secure in their masculinity, eh?


I'm pretty sure you know who we are for Halloween this year (I'm Pluto the dog in case you were thinking, "um, big yellow squash?"). Malia picked our "characters" for us at least a month in advance. Let's just say I've now learned that yellow is not a good pregnancy color - especially in the 3rd trimester. And, oh, I know. How about I stand right over a stupid light that only accentuates my rotundness?! I should've just had David & Malia dress up as planets in our solar system and had them orbit me. Honestly.

Malia and her Grandma April waited outside while we all went on "Soarin'" and she decided to start dancing with her shadow. I really need to find her some friends.

I took Malia to another "Pumpkin Patch" because she was missing her grandparents and Aunt Elise after they headed back home and I needed to entertain her and didn't have the energy to take her back to Disneyland. It was deathly hot (where the HECK?!?!? is fall)?! but she seemed to enjoy herself. There were some young boys in the pumpkin bounce house being incredibly aggressive, but she surprises me sometimes with how well she handles getting violently knocked down by total strangers.

Ward Halloween Party. Self-explanatory.



Carving Pumpkins for FHE. (I ended up having to carve Malia's for her... she lost interest after about 15 minutes). So, her pumpkin ended up being really cute and then the one I carved for myself was totally lame because my interest sloughed. Oh well. I totally forgot to take pictures of the finished products. How that happened, I don't know.


And, finally, Halloween night we went trick-or-treating! This was Malia's first "official" time. She actually did it earlier at the Disney event and the ward party, but this was her first time doing it on Halloween around a neighborhood. Last year, our ward party was on Halloween and the year before, she was just too young. She was so excited. We got really lucky because we purposefully took her to a friend's house in our ward just so Malia could say hi, and it turned out that she was having a little get-together. So Dave got some yummy chili, and then we were able to join a small group of people to go trick-or-treating with. Sooooooooo much more fun with a group.

Malia was up the night before with a pretty bad cough (Yeah - she's sick AGAIN... and has ear infections in both ears... A-G-A-I-N). But it's so cute because she was hoarse and so I love how her little voice sounds in this video.

This is Malia's "sad face" (done on command) this morning as I put away all the decorations.

I'm exhausted.

Oh - and P.S. I had a Dr.'s appointment Halloween morning. She asked me what had happened with my weight this month.... @#$% Halloween candy.