Dear Malia...

DISCLAIMER

I've decided to steal this idea from my friend Liz, who does this on her blog for her little boy, because I think it's an ingenious way to keep memories... for as terrible as I am at journal-keeping, blogging is slowly mending that.

Dear Lili-bug:

There comes a point in every mother's life where she finds that the one thing she had all the answers to, she no longer does. As I once considered myself the unofficial sleep expert, you have now come to prove that you can challenge me beyond any of my prior knowledge. You have gone from being the most wonderful little sleeper (i.e. I close the door and never hear a peep until I decide it's time for sleep to be done) to now letting me know exactly how things will be done. Just as I was beginning the great debate of whether or not to move you to a "big-girl bed" because my gradually expanding belly was beginning to make bending over a crib a daunting daily task, you have come to remind me that there is nothing wrong with the brilliance of a "cage" that you cannot escape without my aid. Otherwise, I fear your father and I would be getting no sleep at this point. In the past, when we'd lay you down at night, we'd hand you your blanket, turn out the light, shut the door, and you were banned from our presence until morning... which you were once fine with. Now, you call out to me the moment the door closes, asking me to "Fixed it. Fixed my blankie, please!" or "I wanna' lay on my tummy!" or "I'm done sleeping!" (the latter being my personal favorite). Naps were my sanctuary, as they were still perfect... until yesterday. You have officially begun playing the "I need Mommy!" game for those, as well. All of this happening at increments of 10 minutes for a good 1/2-hour to 45 minutes. I wonder if this is your way of telling me you need less sleep now, which I'm aware was inevitable. I guess I was just hoping that wouldn't happen until your little sister was already born and sleeping through the night.
You are already quite the little actress. We took you to an acting school the other day, just out of curiosity, and the owner/director wanted to enroll you so badly that she was even willing to offer you a partial scholarship into her VIP program for 1/2 price! (only a million dollars instead of a billion)! While you father and I appreciated having our instincts about you validated, we decided we could probably teach you anything they could and more. You already say and do whatever we ask as long as there is an audience present ("Dance, monkey! Dance!"). You love applause to the point that you squeal with delight whenever it's given. You've even mastered "bowing." You have absolutely no inhibitions with strangers of all ages and often frighten small children with your lack of the concept of personal space. You look at me in shock when you've introduced yourself nose-to-nose to another child only to receive a smack or a shove. It breaks my heart because I see the betrayal in your face as you try to register why your approach has gone unappreciated. We'll have to cover all of these social graces before grade school, I think.
Now that Mommy's annual Disneyland pass is no longer blocked because the summer is... sort of.. over, it's hard to go a day without you bringing up the possibility of going. I never thought someone could love the place more than I do. However, it's a much more difficult trek now that I'm getting awkward and you are getting bigger. The heat doesn't help. Last night we were able to convince Daddy to go for FHE. That made it so much better as he did most of the carrying when you were too distracted for us to get through the crowds at a desired pace. The best part of the night was watching you on your Daddy's shoulders as you frantically and desperately waved for acknowledgement from Tinkerbell in the parade as it passed.

Everything is "beautiful" to you these days. "Look at the giant moon, Mommy. It's so beautiful." "See those cars? They are beautiful!" "Oh, Mommy, a fly, see? It's so beautiful!"

Your new thing is imitation. Well - I shouldn't say "new"... I've been having to watch what I say for almost 2 years now. But the other day, as we were pulling through a McD's drive-thru, I opened your window as well as mine (it seems to keep you more entertained) and as I ordered, you repeated everything I said to the intercom in as loud a voice as possible. Fortunately, it didn't confuse the order.

You really have picked up being polite quite well, which amazes me, because I've never considered myself as good at that as I'd like to be, myself. Your "pleases" and "thank yous" come out with ease and you are also very good at saying, "Oops, sorry. Excuse me" when you accidentally bump into a stranger in public. I beam with pride as the stranger acknowledges you and smiles, impressed with what a little lady you are.
I purchased your Halloween costume already. I know it's not even September, but last year, it took me forever to find the Tinkerbell costume I wanted in the right size because people pick away at them so quickly. When I found they had exactly only one in your size yesterday, I snagged it! You have pretty much been wearing it ever since. I have to make you take it off when we go places, because it does need to last at least 2 months from now. Your favorite accessory are the gloves. You've been saying, "I'll be Minnie Mouse for Halloween!" every morning for about 2 weeks now. "And Daddy be Mickey and Mommy be Pluto!" You've also begun "casting" other family members. Yesterday you decided that Grandma will be Donald and Grandpa will be Goofy. Good luck convincing them. Although, you're such a charmer, I've no doubt you'll get farther than anyone else ever has...

Love, Mommy

Tagged

Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you. (Mindy)
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

*I have a sometimes immobilizing fear of the dark. It didn't show up until I was about 11 years old when my sister came home from a Young Women's Mutual Activity and proceeded to tell me a story that the YW President had told the girls about an experience with... not nice things... at night. I'm not afraid of murderers, rapists, burglars, etc. But I have literally become paralyzed at times with fear when I allow my imagination to wander into other-worldly evilness. Even still, if it's nighttime and I am up by myself, I will run up the stairs in an alarmingly explosive rate and, no matter how hot it is, I must have some sort of covers up to my chin... as if that'll protect me. Becoming a mommy helped a little as I've become more capable of fearlessly traversing dark hallways to check on my child... but when given just a second to think about other things, I freak out like a psychopath.

*I can be either really efficient or really lazy. I have no middle ground. I have been known to get going on things and not stop to the point of being almost OCD. Or, if I feel like putting things off, I will accomplish absolutely nothing. Example: a couple of days ago I was looking at the future nursery of baby #2 and decided to start doing some organizing. I ended up doing chores around the house for a good 3 hours straight after that and my poor little pregnant body has been suffering ever since. Today? Stared at the computer looking at nothing specific for the entirety of Malia's nap, even though laundry & dishes could use some doing. Baffling.

*From age, oh, probably about 10 until I moved out at 18, I put mini-musicals on in the privacy of my bedroom. I would, literally, rummage through my closet for costumes and actually go through the process of styling my hair and make-up to look like the character and then I would blast a Broadway CD, and lip-sync (yes - even though I sing, I actually lip-synced... hey! I didn't want anyone to know what I was doing)! Sometimes my sisters would walk in on me and laugh. I actually did CATS once... with full-on make-up. I actually brought myself to tears a few times while putting on "Ragtime." I would do the same with my Barbies. My sister Cindy laughs when I tell her how I used to get nervous that she would come in while my nightie-bedecked Barbie sang "Lost & Found" from the musical "City of Angels." Good times.

*I can actually be painfully shy. I swear. Most people have erased any possible memory of me as such because of following experiences of me without seemingly any inhibitions... but if people could truly, actually remember our first encounters, they'd probably realize this is a complete truth. I make David introduce me more frequently than I am willing to do so myself. Honest.

*Sometimes I worry more about whether or not Malia will have a uni-brow or be somewhat obese or have terrible acne than I do about whether or not she will live a gospel-centered life. I don't know why that is. Maybe because I have a false confidence that I will have more control over her agency than her looks? Maybe because I never personally struggled in the testimony department but always felt lacking in the looks department? I'm assuming these fears will shift when she is older and I am forced more so to face them.

*I desperately crave chocolate more on Sundays than any other day. No lie. I think it's because I find that we never seem to have any in the house on Sundays, and darn it! I can't go buy any!

I tag:
Tina
Celeste
Laurel
Jean
Abby
Chrissy

When Trials Become Blessings

Last night, I received a phone call from a newspaper reporter from my podunk hometown. Apparently, 3 of the 15 finalists for this "Wannabe Wicked" competition I'm doing are all from Apple Valley (where I grew up). The other 2 girls still live there. As he was asking me how I got involved in the competition, I was reminded once again of my experience with the show 2 years ago, when I was called back for Elphaba multiple times and found myself turning down any possible "opportunity" for the sake of being a mom to my wonderful Malia.

Some moms probably could've done both.

I am not one of those moms. Here's why -

Colic.

Colic. Colic. Colic.

Malia has been a joy to my life for 2 years now. But... she's 2 and a 1/2. There is a 1/2 a year of her life, at the beginning, where "joy" was the last thing I would've used to describe her. Harsh? Yeah - I know. But until/unless you've been there, you can't really understand.

But this post isn't about how hard colic made my life. I mean, I've dragged that through the mud and back... a few times. Besides, I don't think I need to talk about how crazy it was when pictures can be worth a thousand words:




Ah, the memories...

Last night as I was laying in bed, wide awake due to a wonderful head cold I've recently come down with and baby kicking me like Jackie Chan (so I had some chocolate... so what?) I was thinking back on how well Heavenly Father knows us. His allowing me to go through colic for as long as it was and as severe as Malia's case truly was, well, let's just say He knew exactly what I'd be learning from it.

I've decided to share the amazing blessings that came from the most tramautizing period of my life:

*I learned selflessness. My life was no longer about me. Of course, all mothers learn this lesson fairly quickly... but I think I was given the AP night school accelerated version of the class. All I wanted was to figure out how to improve Malia's life. My life was no longer a priority.

*David & I learned humility. It's amazing the horrendous things you are willing to say to someone you love when you have to do it at 3 in the morning in a voice loud enough to be heard over blood-curdling infant cries. We said sorry to each other... a lot.

*Being willing to apologize to a child. The multiple times I found myself apologizing to Malia for "letting her cry" and for looking at her with disdain and for desiring to physically do things (which I never did, mind you) were very enlightening to me as a parent. I hope I hold onto that perspective as she gets older. I want to be the kind of parent who is willing to step down from my place in order to say I'm sorry when it's necessary. I think children deserve that kind of honesty & humilty from a parent.

*Repentance. To this day I am still apologizing to God for the things I said to him in the wee hours of the night in my deepest, darkest anguish. But, the plus-side is... I think all the practice is making me good at it.

*Understanding what my purpose is. I had every intention of being a Broadway star. Even after Malia was born, I've pursued things briefly here & there. But I am always brought back to "ground zero," which is my little family. No amount of applause or fame could possibly compare to the fulfillment of being needed by my husband and child. There are days I lose that perspective, but I'll be darned if I don't always know it somewhere in the depths of my soul. It is so much better. I don't see it as a sacrifice at all... because I definitely have the better end of the deal. I am a wife & mother. Best. jobs. ever.

*I had to learn to take help. At this point, I want to give a shout-out to the most awesome ladies of the BEST ward in the UNIVERSE... Relief Society ladies of BYU 148th Wymount Ward 2005!!! Can I just say, they took my bitter rantings like a grain of salt. PLUS - they passed around a paper every week where they would sign up to take Malia for one hour every day so that I could find some semblance of peace in my life. I'm touched by it even just thinking about it, now. Those phenomenal sisters looked past my rugged, stubborn exterior and saw a desperate woman in need... a woman who is terrible at allowing people to help her do anything. I've always been far too independent for my own good. They wouldn't take no for an answer. Same time every day, a new sister would show up at my door and whisk the screaming child away. An hour later, they'd bring her back, Malia screaming at the top of her lungs, and the looks of pure apology on their faces were priceless. But they gave me a chance to miss my daughter. That one hour a day, I was given a chance to realize I did actually love her.

God really does know us...

I'm a Proud Mama... whatuvit?!

I had some pictures here & there of Malia that I was organizing through on my computer and I just wanted to share. There's no rhyme or reason to them other than that I feel like I have the most beautiful, amazing child ever! And while I do have a multitude of blessings, she is, by far, one of the greatest.

Last Easter, Malia received a very large package from her Grandpa filled with toys and candy... guess which part she liked the best?

Malia makes faces "on demand." I swear, it's true. The one above is her "sad face." She never holds the others long enough for me to get a good picture of them. One of these days....

The messier, the better it tastes, right?

Malia wanted to help me find our way through Disneyland... although, we've been there enough. She just likes to always take a map. /shrug

Malia at lunch at Downtown Disney after seeing her first movie, Wall*E, in the theatres. This is her response to, "Did you like the movie?" She's a total ham; I love it.

Playing "Pirates" with Grandma at Red Robin. She makes this face and says "Arrrrrrrrrrr!" Although, she struggles with the letter R, so the sound coming out is more like, "Awwwwwwwwww."

Trying on Daddy's "silly hat" from Japan.

"...while few human challenges are greater than that of being good parents, few opportunities offer greater potential for joy”
*President James E. Faust*

Vote for Me!

So, I didn't realize that they were doing this, but I guess they'll also be having a "fan favorite" for this Wicked competition dealy-o I'm in. I don't now too much about the details... just that voting is on the 13th... er, something. I stumbled across it when an old teacher of mine e-mailed it to me.

http://www.citywalkhollywood.com/Wicked

So, maybe check back at that website on the 13th (tomorrow)? I figure that winning the whole competition may be difficult what with me being all engorged with pregnancy and stuff. So maybe if I could get this as a consolation prize, it'll make me feel ok. At the LIVE competition, I had the fewest people screaming for me as most of my competitors had brought their entire hometowns - or so it seemed. The contest itself isn't a popularity contest, thank heavens (I just brought my husband and Malia and my friend Jean showed up cause she rocks).

Anywho - maybe go to the website tomorrow and check out the situation. (and vote for me even though I just said, "Anywho").

The Trip

Highlights of our trip (good & bad):

*Poor David stayed up until 4 AM tying up loose ends for work during our stop in Apple Valley on the first night.

*Stopping at Jan's house for Malia's nap! It was so much fun catching up with a dear friend and talking about shows of the past and our ideals of the future of our perfmorming lives. We've missed her. And she accidentally taught Malia her first swear word. Plus, David got to take a nap, too... bless his heart.

*Malia was really good about being stuck in the car. Watching "A Bug's Life" about 4 times probably helped. Also, me climbing into the backseat to give her my undivided attention didn't hurt either. Oh, and constant snacks... a God-send.

*Locking our keys in the car at a Cedar City gas station. Funny story... kind of. Depending on which of us you ask. I'll share it some time.

*Tina's dog tried to violate Malia. It was traumatizing at the time, but funny, now that we look back on it. Malia probably couldn't have cared less.

*Cafe' RIO!!!!! I had a list of places I was hoping to eat at while in Utah. This was the only one I had a chance for... but also the most important. YUM! And I only needed a TUMS for about 2 hours or so. (*grumble* pregnancy heartburn *grumble*)

*Observation: Utah gives me really chapped lips and my nose was always full of boogers. I didn't remember noticing that while I lived there... but it was driving me crazy during this trip! I borrowed chapstick from so many people. Who knows what kind of and how many diseases have now been spread.

*David gave Malia Hawaiian Punch in an open cup while she was wearing white pants... did he really think that would work? Really? Speaking of which, why did I not take any pictures the whole time I was there?!!

*David got some NASTY blisters on his back from his grandparents hot tub. They look painful. Like, open-wound-burn-blister painful. Not quite sure what to do for them...

*The wedding, of course. So awesome to be in the SLC temple with all of my siblings, their spouses, and my parents. When I got married, Tina couldn't attend because she was too young. No one was missing this time. AWE-some. And my Uncle Kent did the sealing... he has sealed all 3 of us girls, now. Very cool. He always says the most awesome things.

*Malia, the friendliest, sweetest, most outgoing & social child you could ever meet pretty much lost any semblance of herself for the entirety of the wedding day (which means I sorta', kinda' did, too). It had been 4 days since she'd even pooped, she hadn't been sleeping well, I forgot to pack her a lunch for the time we were at the temple so she ate 2 hours late, and then I had to discipline her for biting her cousin. My child has NEVER been a biter. I think she's crying in every. single. picture. Poor thing. It was not her best day.

*Cindy's hair wasn't 1/2 bad considering I just looked at some pictures on the internet and hoped for the best. I'm no professional, but I think she looked gorgeous... and I think I lost part of my fingernail in her hair. They're not fake or anything... it just cracked and then broke off. (Shhhhhhhhh - don't tell).

*I think I looked silly in my dress at the reception. I love the dress... but when I put it on that morning, I looked like I was concealing a squashed cantaloupe. I mean, who CHOOSES to wear a form-fitting get-up when almost 5 months preggers? Yes, folks. Me.

*Family, family, family. Usually I get sick of too much of them at one time. But it's been too long, so I definitely loved it. And they gushed over Malia, which I approve of, cause she rules.

*Malia pooped a TON on Sunday! (maybe quite literally a ton). HALLELUJAH! We finally had our little angel back after 3 days because of it.
P.S. Prune juice might make your poop turn green. Just sayin'.

*Playing Phase 10 with David's grandparents the last night until way too late. YIKES! But that cheesecake was soooooooo good!

*The majority of any drama occurring over the 4-day chaos was not caused by me! Quite possibly a family first. I'm all growed up.

*The girl at McDonald's in Beaver, UT saying, "You're talking to me like I'm slow or something!" at the drive-thru. We left and decided to go to Wendy's. I think I'll make a call and get her fired, maybe...

*Trying to get Malia to fall asleep in the car as we finished the last stretch of our drive home late last night. The kid was yawning and rubbing her eyes, she was in her PJs, in the dark, snuggling her blankie, but she just kept looking at me with wide eyes and a silly grin. THIS is why I will not share a bed with my children after they are 4 months old. GO TO BED, KID!

Overall - it was a success.... I'm exhausted... but that means it was a success, right?