"Once Upon A Time..."

One of Malia's favorite times of the day is just before bedtime when we read her a book or two. In the last few months, she more frequently requests "Once Upon a Time"s which are basically stories I make up that always begin with that phrase & end in "The. End."

Before Cecily's nap, we always sing a lullaby, but if she's seems a little wound up, we stretch out the downtime by quietly reading her a book. Sometimes Malia likes to help & asks if she can tell Cecily a "Once Upon a Time" instead.

Today, it went a little something like this:

Once upon a time I was riding a bubble in da' sky and it flyed up to heaven to see Heavenly Fahder. He gave me a big hug & said, "I love you so, so, so! much." And den I saw Jesus & He was nice. And I loved Him. And He was adorable! And He was soooooooo cute. And Cecily comed to heaven too and she had her paci and she didn't cry because there were lots & lots of uder babies & because I loved dem & Jesus loved dem & Heavenly Fahder loved dem...

The story then evolved into something about dinosaurs, Sponge Bob, & Ponyville. But up until then I thought it was a pretty inspired little tale from a 3-year-old.

You don't always "Celebrate" an Anniversary

It was a year ago, today, that a peer of mine from college went through something I could never (would never want to) possibly imagine. When her little girl passed away, I was devastated and also somewhat taken aback at how much I was affected by it. I think part of it was because you never expect things like that to happen to people you actually know.

The other reason is because her little girl was very close to Malia's age and that made it a very tangible, painful reality for me.

This friend has been an inspiration in her strength as well as in her weak moments. She is honest about her pain, & anyone who knows me will know that I think that genuine humility and weakness is so much more beautiful than the facade so often found among some of the women in LDS culture.

She recently had a beautiful baby boy. If her little girl were still in this existence with us, then her 2 children would be very similar in age to my girls.

I'm hoping we can set a play date in the eternities.

I'm thinking of you today, Molly.

"Everyone Has Their 15 Minutes of Fame"

... although, I wouldn't exactly call it "fame." Just kind of cool.

When blogging first entered the world, I thought it was a trend I'd never care for (like myspace & texting). But once I tried it, I was pretty much hooked. What I really liked about it was the fact that I could brag about my family or vent my frustrations to the outside world &, once in a while, I'd get a little comment of affirmation & I felt... "alive" again. It can be hard to be a stay-at-home mom of small children and to still feel like you're at all contributing to society.

In my "early blogging days," I wrote a post about being a stay-at-home mom with a single income in Orange County in today's society of feminists and financial burdens. I was proud of this post, and became even more so when I started receiving comments from even strangers who were encouraged by my words.

Anyone who knows me well knows I am openly an avid Dr. Laura fan. (I know I just detoured. Hang in there. I'm going somewhere with this). She can be harsh. It's true. But the truth hurts and, in my opinion, some people need to hear it bluntly in order to finally make a change in their lives. I don't listen to her and think she's perfect. Oh, heavens no! But who is? I have always appreciated her as an ally in the principle that a mommy should stay home with her children in any way possible.

One day, she was bashing the Internet and the blogging world. I started to feel guilty as she made valid points about lack of privacy as well as people throwing caution to the wind whenever they posted entire albums of their children or their own swimsuit-clad bodies all over the world wide web. I felt defensive because I was truly enjoying blogging and facebook and was incredibly guilty of pridefully plastering my children's faces on the 'net.

I decided to e-mail her the post on my blog about being a stay-at-home mom so that I could enlighten her (Ha! Me trying to enlighten someone with a doctorate in psychology, a radio show, and 1/2 a dozen published NY Times Bestsellers under her belt). I attached an e-mail explaining to her that, while I agreed with her, at the same time, there is a good and bad to a lot of things these days, and that there was some good to blogging.

I never heard from her (this was 2 years ago) & I assumed my e-mail got lost in the millions....

A couple of weeks ago, a friend in the ward lent me Dr. Laura's new book about stay-at-home moms. This sister & I have occasionally chatted about the frustrations and blessings of our "careers" and she is really awesome about being a huge advocate for it. She's also amazing at serving others (even with 8 - yes, I said EIGHT! - kids at home). I've only gotten about 1/2-way through the book. I really don't read like I used to (who has the time?!).


Today, I cracked it open to a random page, simply just because. It opened to page 65. I hadn't gotten that far, yet. As I was about to turn the page back to where I had recently finished, some words in all caps caught my eye. "DON'T DISMISS ME!" it said. Something was familiar about that phrase... so I read the whole page.

She had quoted a paragraph from my blog in her book! And above it, she had written this:

"I love reading about the small but growing number of women who are brazenly tooting their own horns in celebration of their commitment to family."

She said I'm brazen! Seriously, the woman knows everything.

I felt like the coolest kid in school. Too bad there wasn't anyone around for me to brag to. And after a brief moment of, "Hey, do I get any residuals for this?" I really felt proud. Proud that my words were going to reach a few more people... even though no one will ever know it was me.

But I know it was me.

The Mothers in My Life

*Lisa*

When David was Malia's age, his biological parents divorced. Lisa is the blessing that came into his life through his father's second marriage. When I first met Lisa, she made me feel so at ease. I was nervous about the impression I would make on my future in-laws, but being around her, it's impossible not to feel totally welcomed.

Lisa has an incredible connection with children and animals. She loves them all and they, in turn, always adore her. She has a gentle disposition & a compassionate nature that draws everyone to her. I have described her to a few people as "without guile." And I've always sincerely meant that.

She's been through more challenges and trials in her life than any one person deserves. But she keeps her chin up and I've seen her give more for her children than many who's lives are much easier. She is an example of someone who has found a perfect balance between parenting and befriending their children.

Even though Lisa is no longer married to David's father, we will always consider her family. She lives too far for our children to really visit her, but when we show them pictures, we address her as Grandma Lisa. There may not be a biological connection, but we will be sure to make sure that there is always a spiritual connection of love.

Happy Mother's Day, Lisa! We love you!


*April*


When David & I got married, I told April that I would prefer to address her by name as opposed to "Mom," simply out-of-respect for my own mother. But there have been many times since that day that I have truly felt of her mothering & nurturing, and she really is so deserving of that title. Truly.

When I first met her, David's family had come to visit him in Japan. David and I were, at that time, "just friends." But as he was escorting them back to the airport, she said, referring to me, "I approve." And I am grateful I have always felt that from her ever since.

April has such a giving nature. Anything she has to give, she will. Without hesitation. When Malia was born an emergency c-section, she sensed my need for help and dropped everything to stay with me for 2 weeks because my mom was still in school and couldn't stay. I was initially a little uncomfortable because, as is typical, at that difficult time in my life, I just wanted my mommy. But it didn't take long for me to be overwhelmed with how amazing she was as a help and support. Whenever it was time to nurse Malia, she came running with the Boppy, the remote, and a huge bottle of ice cold water. And on our first night home from the hospital, if Malia was up crying NOT out of hunger, she would take her so I could sleep. The woman was up all night, on our couch, holding Malia. A saint, I tell you!

When Cecily was born, again, it was a busy time at work for my mom, and so April came, once again, to watch Malia & help out. She was phenomenal! She cleaned my house, did my laundry, organized cupboards, entertained Malia, and she got our food storage started! And she never seemed put-out. I never felt judged when she ran across even another mess. To say I was actually comfortable having her in my home for that period of time is a huge compliment to her. And I was. I cried like a baby when she left.

She is a beautiful woman, inside & out, & I credit a great deal of the phenomenal man my David is to her upbringing.

Thank you for raising my David so well, April. Happy Mother's Day!

*Mom*


There is nothing like becoming a mother yourself that will cause you to reflect on how wonderful your own mother is. Like most mother-daughter relationships, we definitely have had our "tense" moments. But, through it all, scars & everything, I can truly say the Lord knew what He was doing when He sent me to my mother. He knew what the combination would create and I have come to learn that I couldn't have asked for the more perfect mother for me.

Growing up, I always knew my mother was one of the more talented & beautiful women in the world. But in the last few months, I've come to truly appreciate the sacrifices my mother made for her children. My cell phone bill was ATROCIOUS during my bout with PPD because I called my mother at least 3 or 4 times every day. She was amazing at trying to help me gain perspective and to help me find my inner strength.

She adores my children/her grandchildren, and I take a certain pride in watching Malia gush over her Grandma Renee. It makes me feel as if maybe Malia is compensating for all the hard times I put my mother through.

My mother gave me a good life. She gave me clothes, food, & shelter. She gave me a love for knowledge. She tolerated my odd sense of humor. She gave me music. She gave me the Gospel.

She gave me herself.

In Church today, as we sang "Teach Me to Walk in The Light" as our closing hymn, I became emotional during the 3rd verse as I thought of my mother:

Father in Heaven we thank Thee this day
For loving guidance to show us the way
Grateful we praise Thee with songs of delight.
Gladly, gladly, we'll walk in the light.

I am grateful to my Father in Heaven for the blessing of my mother and her guidance filled with unconditional love. And I am overwhelmingly full of gratitude for the gift of song that she gave to me so that I can praise Him.

And because of her, I am always able to walk in the light.


Happy Mother's Day, Mom.