5/21/2012 (Cecily)

Dear CCLemon -

Like with your sister, I don't even know where to begin this letter to you.  But unlike your sister, it's because I sometimes feel like there are no words.  Anyone who knows you or interacts with you would know exactly what I'm talking about.  You are something else.  You are basically the poster child for the old parental adage/curse, "Someday I hope you have a child that's just like you!" You're stubborn and strong-willed and feisty and smart and silly and funny and talented and defiant and a delight, all rolled up into one, solid little toddler.

And you are solid!  To look at you, you look like the average-sized 3-year-old.  But when I pick you up, I feel like I'm going to break in half.  You get that from my Dad, your Grandpa, who can't float in a pool to save his life.  You're not an obese child.  You are just solid as a rock, and I wonder if that contributes to the fact that you are constantly losing your balance as well as destroying anything in your wake.  I am amazed at how clumsy you are sometimes (and maybe even annoyed).  I mean, seriously, how many glasses of juice can one child spill in a day?!  And when we ask you to tiptoe past your baby sister's room while she sleeps, you are so compliant, but your tiptoes are louder than the average adult's footsteps!  It's hilarious to watch you so gingerly obey, but to hear the tramplings of Godzilla in accompaniment. 

You've watched a lot of TV in the last few weeks, and I hope I don't ruin you.  I did the same to your sister when you were born, and she seemed to turn out all right so far.  It doesn't help that you are so willingly entertained by it.  Seriously.  You can watch 4 consecutive episodes of "My Little Pony" and not say a thing to me!  I haven't decided yet if that's good or bad.  Speaking of this hard transition - this addition of a sibling - aside from Church, you've been doing ok.  But, oh my gosh, Church!  You are fighting Primary so hard these days.  And a couple of weeks ago, as I was holding your baby sister in the back of the Chapel, trying to keep her from waking up, and you came looking for me with your Grandma who was visiting for her blessing, and then you turned around and booked it all the way up the aisle!  I've never had a child do that before.  I've seen kids do it, and I've judged their parents.  Lesson learned.  Most of my lessons in humility often involve you somehow.

You are (basically) potty-trained!!! YAY!  Aside from the Pull-ups I buy you for nighttime, we are now only buying diapers for one child, again!  Thank you, Cecily!  Thank you.  And aside from the trauma it seems to be for you to have to poop on the toilet, it's been a fairly successful venture.  I remember your sister struggling with "#2," but it's because she was always constipated.  For you?  It's like you just can't be bothered with the time commitment.  You want to sit on the toilet, do your thing, and get on with your life.  If you have to actually spend time there and make an effort, you get so angry.  I'm hoping it's just your disposition and nothing I've done to create such an issue for you... oh, who am I kidding?  I'm sorry for all the issues you'll have in your life because I'm your mother.  Somehow I think you'll be ok, though.  You just have that way.

Despite the afore-mentioned clumsiness, I love to watch you move your body to music. You are influenced by the tempos and the quality of sound in a way that doesn't come natural to all kids.  I can't wait to get you into dance lessons in the fall.  If you can listen and obey (heaven help us), then I think you will actually be quite good at it.   You will also be entering pre-school in the fall, mostly because I want you to have friends and learn to be in classroom settings.  And if you can listen and obey (have mercy), then I think we will be pleased with just how smart you really are.

I know I talk a lot about how you are somewhat of a challenge, but I don't mean it to make you feel like it's a bad thing.  When people talk about these last days, and how certain types of spirits are saved for these times because they have to be able to withstand a lot of crazy trials, I think of you immediately.  You are a warrior.  I can already tell.  I don't want you to feel misunderstood.  I know what it's like to be a certain kind of person, someone with good intentions.  I know what it's like to do everything with all of your heart and soul, and have people think it's that you're defiant and stubborn, when really it's just that you're passionate and feel what you feel all the way down to your toes.  And I know that's why you are the way you are.  I guess it's mostly for Mommy to try to learn how to nurture it for the good of yourself and the world.  And I'm flawed at that.  It's not that you are a "difficult" child.  You're a phenomenal child.  People adore you.  Despite tantrums and  the occasional (always) sass, people usually comment that they just like to sit and watch you because you are so amusing and already your own defined little self.  It's incredible, really.  You are definitely the teacher in this mother/daughter dynamic.  You are teaching me about myself.

Love,
Mommy

5/21/2012 (Malia)

Dear Malia -

I don't even know how to begin this letter to you because so much about you has become multifaceted.   Even addressing you as "Lili-Bug" as I usually do when I write these seems somehow like it just doesn't fit you anymore.  I guess that's what happens when a person really begins to "grow up."  As always, you are still strikingly beautiful.  When I look at your face, and I observe that most of anything baby or toddler about you has officially vanished, I see this pretty girl with the amazing eyes and perfect nose dotted with "angel kisses" (as we call them), and the potential to be incredibly appealing physically - and it scares the ever-loving daylights out of me.  Your Grandma Renee (my mother) made an interesting comment regarding this:  "There's a different challenge that people who are physically attractive have to deal with."  While she may be right (I wouldn't know), I think the challenge it will be for your parents to ward off the male species is going to be even more difficult.  And it doesn't help that you have this darn little charming personality to boot!  And brains and talent, as well!  The Lord was not sparing in handing out blessings to you.  Maybe He was trying to make it up to you ahead of time for sending you to this "special case" of a mother...

Last week, when I dropped you off at school, there were 2 days in a row when I pulled up right next to the fence where about 1/2 a dozen kindergarten boys were kicking a soccer ball around.  When one of them caught a glimpse of you running by, I saw him yell your name.  All of the other boys looked up, and followed suit, running to the fence, beckoning for you to come play with them.  You smiled and waved to them, and I could actually see it affect them... and I panicked.   I even had a dream about you going on your first date - as a 6-year-old!  When one of my friends asked me what I thought my subconscious was trying to tell me, I told her it was that I'm going to need to buy a shotgun.  Just kidding!  ... sort of.

Your favorite thing to do in your free time is to create books from scratch.  All I have to do is hand you a pile of printer paper, folded in 1/2 into a booklet, and you will go into a corner with crayons and a pencil and be entertained for hours.  This makes me proud because it is such a creative and smart way to spend your time, but also because someone I know used to love to do the very same thing (me).  There are, literally, 15+ of these books in the other room as we speak, and I even made you throw 1/2 of them away yesterday.  Your current topic of choice is black holes.  Seems a bit of a stretch from the usual ponies, rainbows, & butterflies, but as I mentioned at the beginning of this letter, you are multifaceted.  Hold on to that. 

You've become increasingly sensitive and emotional since the birth of sister #2/child #3.  I can't really blame you, though, since I have too.  I think the transition has been harder for you this time around.  Maybe it's because you're older and more aware.  Maybe it's because the burden of Mommy's occasional meltdowns are becoming your burden.  Or maybe you're just a girl who's coming more into her own, new sister or not, and I just need to brace myself for the potential hurricane of PMS this household is going to experience in the not-so-distant future.  (Your poor father.  I like to think your current interest in "Star Wars" is softening the estrogen-fueled blow a little). You still try so hard to be obedient, as you always have.  You still try so hard to be happy, as you always have.  You are still exceptionally easier to handle than the average child, as you always have been.  But there's something bothering you lately, and when I ask you, you can't express it.  Hopefully it's because you're not sure what it is, and not because you just don't want to tell me.  You've always been so honest with me.  I never want to do anything to make you feel like that can't continue.  

Even though you and CC have been fighting more and more lately, you are still the best kind of big sister.  On Saturday, I took you both to a birthday party while Daddy stayed home with a napping Daphne, and I noticed that Cecily was following you around like a lost puppy dog.  I was concerned you were going to get annoyed (as you often do at home), but you were amazing with her - helping her on slides, getting her a snow-cone, letting her sit by you during games and activities.  On the drive home, I thanked you for being so wonderful with her and you simply said, "Well, I didn't want her to get lost or hurt because she's little."  So sweet.  But also funny because, even though you are still a few inches taller than her, you only weigh 3 pounds more than her.

I can see you light up in those few moments when you and I are alone, while your sisters are both napping.  I will try my best to always have alone time with you, even if I have to write it on a calendar.  Lately, that time has been when I take you to dance class on Saturdays.  You love dancing.  You love music.  You love singing.  The other day, as I was singing and playing the piano, you came over and joined me.  You didn't know the song at all, but you read along and sang (the wrong notes) along with as much gusto as you could muster.  It was totally off pitch and totally loud, but it totally melted my heart.  If there's one thing I do right, I hope it's to teach you to love music as much as I do.  It will buoy you up in the darkest of times.  That and the Gospel.  So, 2 things.  Hopefully, I do 2 things right.  The Savior and music.  With those things, this life will be endurable for you.  

 You are nearing the end of kindergarten, and it really is bringing to light for me the old cliche' of "they really do grow up fast."  You're excited about being able to play on the big kid playground next year.  I haven't decided how I feel about you being at school for twice as long as a 1st grader.  I'm not sure how I feel about saying I'll have a 1st grader.  Please slow down.  I'm not ready.

Love, 

Mom

Questions from Jean

Another one of my dear friends who had the nerve to move away, Jean is one of those people that a person like me definitely loves to have around.  She laughs at everything!  Aside from that, however, she is also one of the kindest people I have ever come to know in my lifetime.  She's not perfect, however.  I mean, she DID have the nerve to move away from me as well.  Just saying.  I don't know if you've noticed from these postings, but I'm getting a little lonely down here in SoCal.

Question #1:

 What's your favorite episode of Arrested Development? 

 Oh, man.  I haven't watched AD in a VERY long time!  It's one of the only television shows we have actually purchased the DVD set to.  I'm more a fan of certain characters (Gob, Buster) or one-liners (Tobias) and running gags (the chicken dance) than I am of full episodes.  But I do remember very specifically laughing literally out loud at the episode with the Charlie Brown pout reference.  I don't remember if the whole episode is actually that funny, but that gimmick has infused itself into our lives (we hum the song whenever we're willing to laugh at something we're bummed about).

 

Oh, man.  I should watch it tonight.  Thanks for the reminder!


Question #2:

What's your favorite Disneyland memory?
Oh, geez.  Impossible.  I'll give you the first few that just POP into my head.

RE: Malia

One Labor Day, David took the day off and we risked possible crowds and went to Disneyland.  Malia & I went often, but rarely did David come.  We planned to spend the entire day there as well, also something we didn't often do.  Because Malia is so petite, it took a while before she could go on a lot of the thrill rides, so we were amazed to discover she was tall enough for the Matterhorn.   I was pregnant with CC at the time, so I was bummed I couldn't take her.  She had no idea what to expect, however, and willingly went with her Daddy.  

When I saw their car pull up a few minutes later after the ride was over, she looked very calm, which surprised me.  When they approached me, I could see the utter terror in her face.  No tears.  Just a calm... fear?  David said that she was fine for about 20 seconds, and then as the ride picked up speed, he felt her body tense, and she spent the rest of the ride saying, in a very calm voice, "Ok.  I'm done now.  I think I'm done.  I'm done, now."  I was just so amazed she wasn't even crying.  She was just "done."

And despite the hundreds of times I've taken Malia to visit TinkerBell, nothing will compare to the very first time we went.  We waited in the line for 2 hours! (Since then, I avoid it entirely if the wait is more than 45 minutes).  She was absolutely giddy.  Even more so when she saw that Silvermist & Fawn were also there. I remember it being very hard to get her to calm down for bed that night... but it was totally worth her joy.  (Also noted: the kid really was very good at waiting patiently in line; especially for her age.  Until CC came along, I never realized how lucky I was with that).

 

RE: Cecily

CC went to Disneyland for the 1st time when she was just shy of 8 weeks old when David's family came down for her blessing.  It was an amazing day for me because my mother-in-law carried her in the Bjorn all day with the exception of the times I nursed her, so that I could run around and go on all the big kid rides.  It was awesome.

 

I remember another occasion with Cecily when we went to the Princess Faire (something I didn't normally like doing).  It was so fun to watch her get a lot of attention from the Disney cast members.  Malia has always gotten ridiculous attention when we visit, so it was fun for me to see that Cecily had that magnetic appeal, too. 

  

 RE: Me

When I was in high school, despite being one of her more musically-gifted students, my choir teacher was always getting on my case.  Somehow I just managed to always get under her skin - mostly with the volume of my voice, both in singing and talking.  I was always losing my voice right before competitions.  It drove her nuts.  My hyperactivity and inability to focus were also things that often had her rolling her eyes at me and disciplining me.

We had a competition at Disneyland, and I was in New Orleans Square with some friends when the little jazz quintet that does a show around the area appeared.  We were dancing along to the music when the tuba player, noticing my over-zealous personality, grabbed me and pulled me into the center to dance with him.  He started doing some goofy moves and I started mimicking them.  He turned and shook his booty at the crowd, and I turned and did the same when I heard a familiar voice shout, "Tiffany!  Have some self-respect!"

I had just shaken my tooshie right in the face of my choir teacher.  I have never forgotten that experience.

Another one of my favorite experiences was, no lie, when we took the Andersons (you, Jean!) to Disneyland for your very first time.  Even though I was pregnant with Malia and had to stand at the exit of all the roller coasters holding everyone's stuff, I still had such a good time watching people experience the Happiest Place on Earth for the first time.  I like to take the blame for your addiction.


Question #3:
When are you coming to Utah next?????
I do hope to make it out there next year some time.  Maybe in the summer.  But first, I'm trying to just survive this week.  LOL.  Having 3 children has definitely increased travel costs, and so it'll be when we decide to be stupid enough to take that long drive.  But it will definitely happen eventually.  I miss Utah. 

Question from Anne

This was an idea as well as a question from my friend, Anne.  She was my first real friend in the ward we live in now, and then she had to up and move to Arizona, and now Washington State.  I still haven't forgiven her (if you haven't noticed a trend - if you move away from me, I hold a grudge).  She offered this fun little A-Z list to help me with my blogging brain fart:

A is for age:
31

B is for breakfast today:
Frosted Mini Wheats

C is for currently craving: CHOCOLATE! (2 more months, 2 more months, 2 more months...)

D is for dinner tonight:
Not sure.  Depends on what's in the kitchen.  Most likely pasta-related.

E is for favorite type of exercise:
Dancing that doesn't feel like exercise.  Swimming is 2nd.

F is for an irrational fear:
The dark. 

G is for gross food:
Seafood & mushrooms

H is for hometown:
Apple Valley, CA

I is for something important:
Trusting God more and learning to not sweat the small stuff

J is for current favorite jam:
Strawberry (with butter).

K is for kids:
3 beautiful girls

L is for current location:
Home Office (soon-to-be Malia's room)

M is for the most recent way you spent money: I bought "Bambi" for the girls (which, after their viewing of, I've decided is totally scary & dark) & Reese's Pieces for me (to satiate the chocolate craving).

N is for something you need:
A creative outlet

O is for occupation: stay-at-home mom

P is for pet peeve: People who don't use their blinkers. How HARD is it?!  Your hand is RIGHT THERE!  Just move one little finger and flip the darn thing!

Q is for a quote:
"Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil." 
C.S. Lewis

R is for random fact about you: I've never broken a bone (arguably, maybe my tailbone - hasn't been proven).

S is for favorite healthy snack: Apple

T is for favorite treat:
PBCup Blizzard from DQ with an extra candy scoop & nothing beats homemade chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven with a cold glass of milk.

U is for something that makes you unique:
My perceived lack of shame

V is for favorite vegetable: Raw Cauliflower

W is for today’s workout:
Playing with CC (trust me)

X is for X-rays you’ve had:
Other than dental?  None.

Y is for yesterday’s highlight:
Daphne sleeping 6 hours last night

Z is for your time zone: Pacific

 And then she offered this question:


 Where did you guys come up with the name Daphne?

Obviously, when we found out #3 was a girl, we were unprepared name-wise.  We'd used up our resources in that department and were waiting to have a son to name JD (Joseph David - after David's high school best friends who died in a car accident).  For girls, my rule was that their first name be 3 syllables (after me) & that their middle name come from someone important to us.  Malia's middle name is Renee, after my mother.  And Cecily's middle name is Jeanette, after David's mother's middle name.  I had a list from babynames.com of 3-syllable names I liked. My favorite choice was Genevieve, which David totally hated. Other choices were Evelyn, Eleanor, Violet, Josephine, Adelaide, Lorelei, etc. 

One day, just before David got home from work, I was looking at the site, and it had a list of "suggested names" according to my saved list of favorites.  The last name on this list of suggestions was Daphne - a name I had never even considered.  Dave walked in and I casually asked him, "What do you think of the name Daphne?"  And he replied, "Huh.  I actually like it."

Which shocked me. 

We also realized almost immediately that the name sounded like Dave & Tiffany mashed together.  Because of this, we decided her middle name could be anything we wanted since her first name would basically be her being named after us.  David allowed me to use Genevieve since it had been my original choice for first name.

So, in short, her name is Daphne, named after both of her parents.

Daphne's Blessing

*editor's note:  I'm typing this one-handed while nursing Daphne, which means it will take a while. 
Who knows when this will get posted....?

On Sunday, May 6th, 2012, Daphne Genevieve was blessed by her father, David Benjamin Nutter, at our Church building in Garden Grove, CA during Sacrament Meeting.  It was a beautiful experience.

Here's what sucks about anxiety: the entire week building up to this special event, I didn't want it to come.  The first 1/2 of last week was really tough.  And without going into too much detail, I held on to the possibility of moving Daphne's blessing to some later date until last Friday afternoon, when 1/2 of the people planning to attend ended up with conflicts and I was able to breathe a little.

David's grandparents arrived on Saturday and went to Costco to purchase food for the next day.  My family met us at the Church the next morning. Then we stayed through 2nd hour (I did not want to wake a sleeping baby by putting her into her carseat and tick her off).  We headed to our house for some lunch where we ate, talked, and even did some singing (inevitable with my family).


Highlights of the day:

*Putting poor Daphne in a cumbersome, ridiculous dress with a huge bow on her head.  Seriously.  It's such torture for these babies.  But I still loved seeing her in it.  It's the first of some very important white dresses in her life.  Each of my girls have been blessed in their own dresses, which I've saved to give to them for their daughters someday.

*Walking into the chapel after a particularly stressful morning and seeing my oldest brother's family sitting there.  I'm not particularly close to him (he's 8 years older than me), but it took a lot for me to choke back the tears.  And then 5 minutes later, my Mom, Dad, & other brother walked in.  This newborn time is so hard for me, my emotions are always at the surface.  Seeing my family brought such gratitude and joy into my heart.

*Dave being embarrassed that the circle ended up being larger than we'd anticipated.  He feels like it looks presumptuous... I saw it as us being loved.  David, my dad, my 2 brothers, David's maternal grandpa, David's EQ Presidency, our ex-bishop (the chiropractor who treated both CC & Daphne), and our current bishop.

*Me showing David's grandmother my intentions to record the blessing (in order to transcribe later) using the voice memo on my iPhone and the conversation going as follows:

Gma: I don't think you're allowed to do that...
Me: Oh! (turns it off)
Gma: No, no.  Turn it back on.  You didn't know. *wink*

*David remembering to throw in something about talents into the blessing per my request.  :)

*Having my Mom point out to me that, at some point in my hectic morning, I had ripped my skirt... all the way up to the waistband (thank HEAVENS it had a layer underneath)!

*Being able to sing with my family, even if it was only for 15 minutes in between Daphne's naps. 

*Daphne napping fairly well, even with all of that stimulation.

*Watching my nephew eat about 9 cupcakes and get in trouble for it.

*My mom getting teary-eyed after I sang a song and expressing that Daphne watched and smiled the whole time in my arms, and my mother reassuring me that, despite my expressing feeling otherwise, that God is, in fact, aware of me.

There was a big bow.  These things get lost like socks in the laundry.  No clue where the darn thing ended up.

Look at her looking at her Daddy!

Beautiful, blessed baby.

The company leaves & Daddy crashes.