This whole Proposition 8.... thing

I haven't really publicly said much about what's going on with this. I've never really been that into politics. Even when they are centered on moral issues, which is a huge driving force in my life, I tend to stay silent outside of the confines of my home and husband. There's a reason for this.

In high school, I was taking American Government my senior year. The teacher, Mr. Slough, was also my 1st period Psychology teacher. I really liked him. He was funny and smart and he liked to tease me. He knew I was LDS. But what he also knew was that I was actively LDS and clung very close to my standards... which wasn't common among a lot of the youth in the Church at my school. He wasn't LDS, but he respected me and seemed to really get a kick out of saying things to me about being Mormon just to get a reaction. I knew it was a tease that came from a loving place, so it never bothered me. He didn't attack the Church. He just teased me and called me "goody-two-shoes" and "the singing Mormon." Like I said, I liked him, so it was always just fun little back-&-forth banter.

Well - one day in my American Government class, there were about 1/2 a dozen questions written on the board as we walked in. All of the questions had something to do with legalizing things that were of a very moral nature, i.e. if you didn't view some things as "immoral," then you were most likely not going to have a problem with them being legalized. Things like: abortion, marijuana, prostitution... and homosexual marriage.

I sat fairly quiet for the majority of the class period as my peers all argued for legalizing the majority of those things. I didn't want to speak up because I knew that I was going to be in the minority. I mean, literally, I was going to be the only one who would feel how I felt out of a class of 25+ kids, most of whom I'd known since, at least, the 7th grade... I'd already been ostracized by them for years just for being "a weird Mormon." No reason to only heighten the attacks. I listened, but I never spoke.

The last question was about homosexual marriage. The boys made funny comments here and there, but, for the most part, the class was in agreement that they should, indeed, be allowed to marry. Out of nowhere, Mr. Slough called my name. "Miss Winkel. You're being unusually quiet today. What do you have to say about this?" I looked up in horror. I gave him the worst stink eye you could possibly imagine. I could feel the eyes of my peers, glaring at me. It was no secret that I was a religious girl who they often picked on for such. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. BUT - I decided to go for it.

(I'm now ashamed to admit that I was really so much braver back then... I miss her sometimes).

"Well - in my opinion, homosexuals shouldn't be allowed to get married because it's not natural and it's not like they could become parents, anyway, seeing as how that's one of the main reasons to even GET married."

Has anyone ever witnessed a lynch mob?

Has anyone ever witnessed a lynch mob from the perspective of the lynchee?

I was actually excused from the class by Mr. Slough due to the barrage of attacks that followed my comments. Don't know why he was interested in saving my life after he was the one who initially threw me to the wolves, but, whatever.

I thought a lot about that day for years. As I grew older, less judgemental, and I gained more perspective, my opinions on a lot of things changed. One thing that really changed was how I felt towards homosexuals in general. While performing in Japan, a great majority of my friends were gay. And I loved them! And we had good times together. And, as long as I didn't ever participate in the night scene with them, our conflicts of interest never seemed to get in the way of some amazing friendships.

As a student at BYU, I wrote at least 1/2 a dozen papers on homosexuality because it had become a subject of great interest for me, as well as some emotional turmoil. I really did love so many of my gay friends, and many of them were God-fearing people just as I was. And most of them were otherwise better people than the majority of my straight friends. But one day, as a complete shock to me, my now-husband-then-fiance' asked me, in all seriousness, if I intended to teach our future children that homosexuality was ultimately very normal and to embrace it and see it as an acceptable lifestyle. It bothered me for weeks that he didn't know the answer to that; that he would even ask that! But I know why he did. I had gone from being a bigoted and close-minded religious zealot to the extreme opposite of embracing things that I knew were not altogether correct. I came to the conclusion, while writing a paper for a religion class, that homosexuality was something I needed to always remember was not a righteous choice and I had to let that be known whenever questioned about it. But I also felt it was important to love and embrace the person.... just not embrace the lifestyle. It was important to me that both of those things were evident. Be as loving as possible while never straying from what I knew to be right.

That's why this Prop 8 measure has been driving me bananas. There is a huge part of me that thinks, "Ok. Fine. Let them have it. I mean, who am I to impose upon them a choice like that? If they want to do that, that's their life and their decision." However, after careful thought and long discussions with David, I've had to look at this from the perspective of a mother and a member of the Church, beyond any of the feelings of "so-called tolerance" I've been confused by. What do I want my children to be taught? Is there ever going to be a line drawn for tolerance? This isn't the same as women voting and blacks having rights and freedoms...

... because, ultimately, it comes down to whether or not you view homosexuality as a choice; an immoral choice. As much as I love many of my dear friends... I can't deny my testimony. And my testimony tells me that it is unnatural and not of God to use the sacred powers of procreation with someone of the same sex. Because, while that gift is for more then just "making babies," it is called the power of PROCREATION for a reason.

I wondered to myself if it was really "Law's" place to even get involved, however, and that was where my struggle really came from. And when the Church got involved, it really threw me for a loop. And what about separation of church & state? But then again, without God, we wouldn't even have this country. I didn't LIKE the Church getting involved in politics. I was really starting to like the approach we had recently taken of trying to show a more Christ-like compassion in general. Plus, ugh! I was really going to tick off a lot of friends. But who do I fear more? God? Or man?

After thinking and thinking... and praying.... and thinking, I came to this conclusion. Even if there are things I don't like about Proposition 8, there are 2 things I am SURE of:

1) I am a mother. And as a mother with that divine calling, I have the responsibility to my children to provide a life filled with righteous teachings and to do my best to protect the things I teach to them about the Gospel both inside and outside of the walls of our home. These children will be facing things I can't even imagine, but if I can have any say in the matter as far as exactly what it is they will encounter "out there," then, doggone-it!, I'd better do so, no matter how unpopular or unsavory the task.

2) I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. And when I go to my temple recommend interviews and they ask me if I believe in God & Jesus Christ, I say yes. And when I take the sacrament every Sunday, I vow to represent them in the way I know I should. And when they ask me if I sustain the living prophet, knowing he was ordained by God, I say yes. And if the prophet of the Lord asks me to do something, even if that something causes me a little bit of inner turmoil, then I'd better do it, putting full faith and trust in him, because I told the Lord I would.

And I hate breaking promises to the Lord. The repercussions are nasty.

So, I have to say it. Vote YES on Prop 8. Protect the family. Protect the future of your children's education. And, if for no other reason, do it because you've been asked to. That's not "blind faith."

It's obedience.