This is why I can't watch the news. Maybe that's a terrible thing, but it's just too painful.
It's one thing to hear about the size of the earthquake. I grew up in Southern California. I know what those numbers mean... what they feel like. When I was 11 or 12, we had both a 6.5 and 7.3 from two different fault lines within a few hours of each other. But we live in a place where you can't buy a home without it first being checked for foundation rollers. It was a scary ride. I think we lost some china... but that was about it.
It's another thing to see pictures of the damage. Such a mess.
And it's even horrific to hear about the deaths and the rioting and the overall chaos. Humanity... it struggles. I don't judge them, because I can't possibly comprehend what's in their heads and hearts right now.
And while I can look at these things with sorrow in my heart, feeling incredibly guilty for my own lack of gratitude for the blessed life I lead, there is something that is just too hard for me. So hard that I have actually found myself sobbing to the point of my body convulsing. I have to shut the door, so Malia doesn't see.
Maybe I'm weak. I know I'm selfish.
But I just can't take the pictures and videos of the children. I CAN'T TAKE IT!!! Dear God, I know You exist, and I know that You're there and I don't question Your presence and Your hand, doing all that You, in Your infinite wisdom, know that You can do...
... but how hard must it be to watch?! To be able to see everything from Your omniscient vantage point? To see all of Your children suffer? And especially the sweet babies. Oh, the little babies...
I just stumbled across (I don't look for these things, mind you... every time an article or video says something about the children, I have to avoid it), but within a story about a news anchor returning to Haiti, they showed a small toddler who's mother was dead, who got very confused and upset every time she saw a female and I.... guh. My HEART! It HURTS!!!
.... man, I am selfish. I have more than I need.
Dear God. Help me to change my heart. Help me to remember that I never TRULY have want.
Help me know how to help.
3 comments:
Tiffany,
My husband & I have been talking a lot about Haiti this past week or so. Our hearts are breaking just like yours. We donated what we could to Red Cross; even though our donation was tiny in comparison to the damage there, it helped us to know we were trying to help...from our small, comfortable home that we forget all too often how blessed we are to have.
I know. It's so sad, and it's hard to watch. I wish I could do more.
Grab your two angels and hang on for dear life. Many times in life I've had to hang on to the children shared with me by God himself to get me through....
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