I'm not afraid of it.
In fact - I feel like it's no big deal. That could be due to the fact that all of my other "milestone" birthdays (16, 18, 21) were extremely anticlimactic. /shrug
The other day, as my husband and I were talking at the dinner table about happiness, I realized something that brought me great relief.
Do you remember when you were a senior in high school, and you had your whole life mapped out? Some sort of "By the time I'm (fill in desired age), I will have completed *insert insurmountable tasks mingled with life goals and aspirations here*."
I had a few lists. Some involved detailed expectations of myself. Others were more generic. One was of my top 5 biggest goals. Here it is:
By the time I'm 30
*Have a PhD. in Psychology
*Be temple married with at least 1 child
*Have a few National Tour Musicals and/or Broadway shows under my belt.
*Have served an LDS mission
*Own my own car
*Have a PhD. in Psychology
*Be temple married with at least 1 child
*Have a few National Tour Musicals and/or Broadway shows under my belt.
*Have served an LDS mission
*Own my own car
Kind of ambitious, eh? Especially considering the math. How did I expect to get a doctorate whilst pursuing a professional performing career AND spending 18+ months serving the Lord... and somehow stumble across my eternal companion. We'd never have time to just catch a movie, more or less, plan a wedding and get me impregnated.
And the car one is just funny to me now.
Of those 5 things, I have 2... and one of them is the car. HA!
The Psychology ambition was derailed in my first semester of college when I became disgusted with what the textbooks were trying to teach me about human will and behavior. And when the director of the song-&-dance ensemble that I was in approached me with, "Why on earth are you not getting some sort of a degree in music?!", I pretty much abandoned the Psych pursuit altogether. The degree I currently hold is a BFA in Music Dance Theatre from BYU (a school I swore I would never attend due to my immature fear of being like "every other Mormon girl"). And the main reason for that was because I auditioned, spur-of-the-moment, in an attempt to figure out the best way to avoid going back to SoCal where a past fling of mine was being put on hold until I made a decision regarding my next move. BYU offered me a scholarship, and that was that. Ain't life funny....?
I suppose the change of study wasn't too far off. MDT majors are pretty screwy in the head. From one nut job field to another...
The National Tours/Broadway Shows were supposed to happen throughout my 20s. When David and I started dating, I told him that I had no intention of being married until I was at least 28 (side note: we started dating when I was 20). Poor guy. I had wanted to pursue a professional performing career before getting married and having children in an effort to avoid becoming a stage mom. I didn't want to live my dreams an ambitions vicariously through my children.
Obviously, considering the fact that I've been married nearly 8 years now and have a 4-year-old.... that didn't pan out as expected. In my final semester at BYU, I travelled to NYC with my senior class. While performing in a showcase there, I was approached by Dave Clemmons with two fairly substantial job offers. Had to tell him I was pregnant.
And that was that.
Didn't ever serve the mission. Couldn't. Got married to that darn boy when I was 21.
But somehow, despite my 40% success rate, I feel whole. Complete. Fulfilled.
In fact, I'm pretty convinced that was the highest percentage I could've achieved because the pursuit of the other things would most definitely have interfered with the pursuit of the ones I did actually fulfill.
What I have achieved at this point fits into a greater scheme of success than my adolescent desires because of their eternal magnitude.
We talked about The Creation in Church last Sunday. The teacher talked to us about our duty to create. Of all the things I have achieved in this life; of all the songs I've sung; of all the musicals I've been in/starred in/directed; of all the books I've read and tests I've aced; of all these amazing things I've achieved... there are 3 things that make me feel like I have done MORE than I would've ever imagined by this time in my life.
1. Dave
2. Malia
3. Cecily
Now, obviously, I didn't "create" David... but without him, numbers 2 & 3 wouldn't even be. And the fact that he's a brilliant man who holds the Priesthood worthily and tolerates me doesn't hurt, either. And it's amazing to know I am working on a project with my Heavenly Father: giving souls the opportunity to progress toward eternal life.
My eternal achievements far surpass any other accolades I had initially desired.
Bring in on, decade #4!
I have no regrets.
And I've got tons o' stuff left in me.
And the car one is just funny to me now.
Of those 5 things, I have 2... and one of them is the car. HA!
The Psychology ambition was derailed in my first semester of college when I became disgusted with what the textbooks were trying to teach me about human will and behavior. And when the director of the song-&-dance ensemble that I was in approached me with, "Why on earth are you not getting some sort of a degree in music?!", I pretty much abandoned the Psych pursuit altogether. The degree I currently hold is a BFA in Music Dance Theatre from BYU (a school I swore I would never attend due to my immature fear of being like "every other Mormon girl"). And the main reason for that was because I auditioned, spur-of-the-moment, in an attempt to figure out the best way to avoid going back to SoCal where a past fling of mine was being put on hold until I made a decision regarding my next move. BYU offered me a scholarship, and that was that. Ain't life funny....?
I suppose the change of study wasn't too far off. MDT majors are pretty screwy in the head. From one nut job field to another...
The National Tours/Broadway Shows were supposed to happen throughout my 20s. When David and I started dating, I told him that I had no intention of being married until I was at least 28 (side note: we started dating when I was 20). Poor guy. I had wanted to pursue a professional performing career before getting married and having children in an effort to avoid becoming a stage mom. I didn't want to live my dreams an ambitions vicariously through my children.
Obviously, considering the fact that I've been married nearly 8 years now and have a 4-year-old.... that didn't pan out as expected. In my final semester at BYU, I travelled to NYC with my senior class. While performing in a showcase there, I was approached by Dave Clemmons with two fairly substantial job offers. Had to tell him I was pregnant.
And that was that.
Didn't ever serve the mission. Couldn't. Got married to that darn boy when I was 21.
But somehow, despite my 40% success rate, I feel whole. Complete. Fulfilled.
In fact, I'm pretty convinced that was the highest percentage I could've achieved because the pursuit of the other things would most definitely have interfered with the pursuit of the ones I did actually fulfill.
What I have achieved at this point fits into a greater scheme of success than my adolescent desires because of their eternal magnitude.
We talked about The Creation in Church last Sunday. The teacher talked to us about our duty to create. Of all the things I have achieved in this life; of all the songs I've sung; of all the musicals I've been in/starred in/directed; of all the books I've read and tests I've aced; of all these amazing things I've achieved... there are 3 things that make me feel like I have done MORE than I would've ever imagined by this time in my life.
1. Dave
2. Malia
3. Cecily
Now, obviously, I didn't "create" David... but without him, numbers 2 & 3 wouldn't even be. And the fact that he's a brilliant man who holds the Priesthood worthily and tolerates me doesn't hurt, either. And it's amazing to know I am working on a project with my Heavenly Father: giving souls the opportunity to progress toward eternal life.
My eternal achievements far surpass any other accolades I had initially desired.
Bring in on, decade #4!
I have no regrets.
And I've got tons o' stuff left in me.
6 comments:
I love you and in love what you write about! This is such a great reminder. Thank you for sharing a slice of yourself with us again.
This post is AWESOME Tiffany!!!
You literally had to walk away from some of the most amazing opportunities anyone with your caliber of talent could imagine!! That must of been so difficult!
When I read your perspective though, its so easy to see that you not only have no regrets, but you really CLAIM and LOVE the life you have! I'm so grateful that you share a piece of yourself with us all when you blog. I'm definitely grateful for your vibrant and beautiful testimony! :)
What an excellent look back. I loved turning 30. I was so excited to no longer be in my 20s. It's great here.
SO TRUE. You have been immensely successful, and you've got tons of time left, too. Being a mom means far more, now that we're moms, than we could ever imagine before.
i totally love this. i just turned 30 in september and had a bit of a hard time. but you're so right! thanks for reminding me that the eternal achievements are the most important. you rock, tiff.
Thank you again for posting something so relevant and close to how I feel. I am glad to know you. I am also glad that rather than doing big national tours you were in some fun community productions! ;)
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