Friendship, Old Age, and... Homeschooling?

From Sarah: "Why were we not better friends when you were here?"

You remarked "probably that whole 'competition' thing."

[Sarah and I met doing "Children of Eden." We both did a lot of work in the Utah community theatre].

Honestly, Sarah? I never felt competitive with you. I generally don't feel competitive with people who I feel are genuinely talented, to be totally honest. I appreciate talented people. I appreciate the work they do and I enjoy watching talented people perform almost as much as I like performing. I usually only feel "competitive" with people who talk big, but can't walk the walk - and that's only because I am a know-it-all who likes to take it upon herself to put mistaken people with false egos in their place (I'm working on that). But you are very good. So that can't be the explanation.

I think we weren't better friends because, despite having the small community theatre circle in common, you had lived such a great deal of your life in Utah that you were pretty set in your circle of friends. By the time we met, I was married. That also could've been part of it. There's nothing like ending one's singleness that can throw a wrench in single friend connections. Also, I was going to BYU, and when I wasn't consumed with doing a show somewhere, I was very busy with school - I wanted OUT!

Once you were married to Stewart, we should have fixed all of that and double-dated and stuff. We SHOULD HAVE!

We did two shows together (Just CofE and Damn Yankees... right? Oh, wait. And "Quilters!" HA! I forgot about that show - what a weird show), so we really should've been closer. (Did we EVER have a SINGLE scene together?! I don't think we did! That's kind of funny)! And - in hindsight... I actually had quite a few classes with your now-husband, Stewart, before you guys were married, or even dating. He and I even had a scene or two together, if I recall correctly. (Yes. YES! It was an Ayckbourn scene! And he was BRILLIANT in it)! So - once you started dating we could have had even more opportunity to become better acquainted, you and I.

Weird.

Well, you could always move to California and we could get to changing that...

From Jean: "Where do you see yourself in 20 years?"

Oh, man.

If there's one thing I've learned in my short life, it's to stop trying to plan my life or project hopeful outcomes on it. There are definitely things I DESIRE to have occurred in the next two decades of my life. And there are things I THINK will most likely occur. And I generally judge the latter on the way I've lived my life up to this point and on my current priorities (which could easily change by the time I'm 50. Whoa. "50." Yikes).

In 20 years, I foresee us most likely not living in CA anymore (which saddens me a little). And I'm not sure why I feel that's the case... /shrug. BUT - I hope that, somewhere in that time frame, our mortgage is no longer underwater, especially because I would love for David to have the freedom to feel like he can look for employment elsewhere. He just, doesn't "love" his job. And I feel sad for him that that's the case.

Also, despite my advocacy for stay-at-home moms, once the last of our kids gets on that school bus, probably around the age of 7 or 8, I want to get work. This is a 2-fold desire: I want more money and I like working. And I want more money. I would like to teach performing arts in high school again. I feel like that's my niche' and where I really contribute the best and utilize my talents to their greatest extent.

Speaking of kids: I think I want 4. David thinks we want 3. At this rate, we'll only have 2. HOWEVER... in 20 years, I would like Malia to be temple-married to a super rad dude who appreciates her for all of her awesomeness. And I want to be a potential grandma. I said "potential." She can be pregnant, but I'd rather the kid wasn't married at 18. And CC will be ENGAGED to be married in the temple.

Did your hear that, girls?! Mommy said, "In. the. temple!"

And, most importantly, I plan to still be married to my wonderful husband. At this point, we'll most definitely be well on our way to being one of those couples where the woman is all cranky, bitter, and dominant, and the old guy just kind of sits there, taking it, just hoping for a brief moment of peace and quiet. Allbeit, an imperfect marriage, but a marriage in tact. But at 50 (still young) I'd like us to go to Italy, go on a cruise or two, and be preparing to go on a mission together... very possibly to Japan.

THAT would be very cool.

From Mandi: What are your views on homeschooling and the weirdness of its participants?

HA! Oh, Mandi. Seriously? Well, ok....

Homeschooling, I think, is awesome, if you can hack it. Me?! No. way. I've already begun to teach Malia piano lessons, and if there's something my mother told me that I've actually begun to see come to fruition, it's that mothers and daughters don't, necessarily, create a peaceful learning environment. What I mean is, my mom said that after a few months of trying to teach my older sister piano, the crying and the "taking things personal" got to a point where she had to ship her off to someone else once a week for her lessons. In fact, my little sister and I never learned from my mom. We got sent off immediately. So far, it's going ok with Malia. But I can see potential for problems the moment I may let up "Mommy" completely and go totally into "Teacher," that it could get ugly.

Thing is, I was a product of the public school system. And our schools were NOT top-of-the-line. We weren't churning out any scholars or Olympians over at the good ol' AVUSD. And that, alone, should motivate me to think I should be in charge of my kids' educations myself. Elementary school was fine. Junior high SUCKED. And I thoroughly enjoyed high school.

I know a lot of people who homeschool their kids. And I totally admire that. And I'm in awe of how they can even handle it (I'm talking 'bout you, Abby). RE: homeschooling itself? To each their own, I say.

RE: the afore-mentioned "weirdness?" Let me just say this: my piano teacher had 3 daughters about mine and my sisters' age. And she homeschooled them.

And they were a little.... "off."

What I mean is, sometimes [often] they said and did things that made me think, "wow, really?!" I mean, each family has it's own quirky dynamic. And even if parents teach their kids things like social graces, civility, and tact, the kids are still only learning it from the dynamic of their home. There is a quality of well-rounded behavior that can only come from interaction with other kids and other parents... and from being AWAY from one's parents for a fraction of the day. I know that homeschool programs have developed all these group outings and really awesome connections with other homeschooling families that can aide in all that. But...

Hm. Ok. How about this? When I was in the 2nd grade, my best friend moved. I had to start all over again. It was a huge lesson in patience, a willingness to allow other kids to take charge of a game so that they'd even ALLOW me to play with them, and withstanding some major name-calling. You just don't go through that kind of crap in homeschool You know, the tough social crap that makes or breaks us.

To be totally honest? I wish I could homeschool my kids simply for the fact that I am TERRIFIED of the stuff they're going to hear "out there." But I am going to do my best to
be at the crossroads" so I can be some sort of colander for filtering out the bad stuff and retaining the good.

Oh, and P.S. there are always major exceptions to all stereotypes. Always.