Have You Noticed a Pattern?

If you seem to find my blog lacking in the "pictures of my children" department, you can rest-assured it's due to one of the following:

1) Losing my camera
2) Losing the battery
3) Losing the battery charger
d) ALL OF THE ABOVE

This time it was "#3," which I've never done before. My brother borrowed my camera the week before Christmas, and so when I went up to my parents, I brought my charger with me so I could juice the camera up for the holiday. I don't usually pack my charger. I usually just charge the camera up to full energy the night before going somewhere and cross my fingers it lasts the trip.

So, I left the charger at my mom's.

She fed-exed it to me last week (it would have been sooner, except I didn't know to ask if she had it until I had exhausted all other options).

Thus - if you're a "book with no pictures" enthusiast, then this is where you should stop. Otherwise, here comes the proud mommy parade.

These first few pictures come from the period we like to call B.C.D (before the camera died)

The above picture has recently become Dave's wallpaper on his computer. It's definitely a winner.

Cecily always feels the need to have a full-on conversation with the characters before approaching them. It must be some sort of "getting-to-know-you-before-any-touching" tactic. Can't say I mind - hopefully she sticks with that when she's dating. It's either that or she just likes to talk. Don't know where that came from....

Tigger just assaulted her and it shut her up pretty quickly. Don't worry. The body language may scream "fear," but she actually did laugh after this.

You'd never know this was Cecily's favorite ride by the look on her face, but those handles are a new addition, so she was really intrigued and didn't want to be bothered by my picture-taking. Malia always looks like everything is her favorite, so...

How do you get a picture of CC with a perfect grin? Do something to make her laugh and then quickly take a picture before she realizes it.

... otherwise, you get something like this.

I don't know if you know who this guy is, but he had a birthday in January or something. :)
And then my camera died. :(

Now we usher in A.C.R (after the charger was returned)

Waiting in line for the monorail. If you think it looks like all we do with our lives is go to Disneyland, you might be right. But really? It's just the only time I think to pack my camera.

Malia and her friend Saydie. They were in our ward but recently moved. They go to the same pre-school. Malia was dragging her along to visit Tinker Bell.

CC and Saydie's little brother, Kael (otherwise known as "Dude"). To call them "friends" would be using the term loosely. I mean, she likes him, but he really can't be bothered.

Again - Cecily is talking everyones' ear off - but with the face characters, she's more willing to approach them and converse.

Fawn loved my girls that day. It's kind of a lottery - you can actually tell when the characters aren't in the best mood. Fortunately, we must have caught her right after lunch.

She even walked the girls over to Tinker Bell. Usually they just take a picture and send you on your way. But Fawn was especially attentive to Malia that day. I would've felt bad for the people waiting in the miserable line behind us, except that I had just been in that miserable line, so I was soaking it up.

Malia has just informed Tinker Bell something about pixie dust and not having any.

CC is still talking.

I guess poor Saydie isn't used to a Mom who makes her take pictures even with the sun glaring right into her little eyeballs.

Have you ever seen these? They place them in two different places and you can have a conversation. (this is not Disneyland, BTW. You should be impressed).

Here's Malia on the other end. I really regret not video taping this. The conversation they were having was comedic gold. *kicking self*

It makes me happy that I have such happy kids.

Again - just before this was a moment I wished I'd video-taped. By the time I thought to, Malia was already moving on.

"Hey, Summer. You wanna' play me?"

I love those moments when they don't realize I'm taking a picture. It makes it a more accurate "snapshot of life."

My girls love the swings.

Charming.

Yay! I caught a smile!

Yay! Two in a row!

I love these kinds of pictures of my CCLemon. It gives the viewer a glimpse of what I get to see looking down at her every day. She's precious.

As you can see by her extension, Malia tends to "go for it" with a little more... "energy," if you will.

Holy tiptoes, Batman!

Malia attended a birthday party last Saturday for a friend from pre-school at this place called "The Little Gym." She was in hyperactivity heaven!

Seriously. I have a video of the above moment, and the shrieking being emitted from this itty-bitty body would make your ears bleed.

Speaking of itty-bitty, I want you to note that Malia is one of the oldest kids in this picture. Good heavens! Does she need more milk or something?! Steroids, even?!!!

She didn't know hardly any of the kids at the party, with the exception of the birthday girl. But I was really proud of her for enjoying herself, by herself.

Now is the part where I'm supposed to say something really clever to give closure to this post, but this took me TOO LONG! So - peace out.

No Moments, Not Really.

"What is your most embarrassing moment?"

I hate that question.

Here's the thing: I don't embarrass easily. Part of this may be credited to my fairly wholesome LDS lifestyle. The combination of being drunk or high, mixed with my extroverted and attention-starved personality most likely would have been a recipe for disaster. Thus - probably one of the reasons God saw fit to send me to my faithful, strict, Mormon parents.

The other part is the afore-mentioned personality-type. I'm shameless. I really am. A lot of that has to do with my seeming lack of a censor or logic. I've learned not to guiltily dwell too much on the stupid things I do or say because, no matter how hard I try, the things come out before I have a chance to stop them, so I've learned not to fret over it.

It's fruitless, really.

I was thinking about this today as I was browsing through facebook. You see, that place is wonderful and terrible all at the same time. I have my reasons. We all do. No point in hashing that out here. BUT - I fell into the self-indulgent trend of posting in my status for people to say where they'd met me. I didn't anticipate the compliments that were thrown in as well. It was appreciated, don't get me wrong. But unexpected. Mostly, I just felt like a stroll down memory lane. (Ok - I think my subconscious must have anticipated it, though, because had the flattering not occurred, I think I would have been disappointed. Just being honest here). Moving on....

So - one of the responses I got was "U dated my brother in high school... lol!"

And I got embarrassed. Not because he was embarrassing. Well - in hindsight, maybe he was a little. But because the whole memory of that portion of my life, I've decided, well... it embarrasses me. I mentioned I don't have any embarrassing moments. And that's true. But I think I have embarrassing "phases."

That high school boyfriend had broken up with me in a really harsh way. I don't need to mention too many details because it was years ago and I've been over it for at least a decade (and it involved cheating, a Super Bowl party, and an 8th grader). I know. I'd picked a winner. *sarcasm*

But what embarrasses me was my conduct after the break-up. Considering it was the 2nd half of my senior year, a lot of peoples' final memories of me are of a pathetic, broken, attention-starved drama queen, and that's just not who I am, or even was (well - ok. The pathetic and broken part, anyway). I was silly and thought I was in love, and the destruction of that had sent me into a spiral of chaos inside of myself. In hindsight, it was just infatuation that we allowed to get too serious too fast. But my behavior - ugh. It's just embarrassing. He wasn't worth it. I mean, no offense to him, because nobody's worth that, really.

So I find that the reason I can never answer the question about "a moment" is because I'm willing to do almost anything, to a point (it can't conflict with any personal moral code, of course). I was always the girl who would do the stupid dares or make people laugh with random antics or drink a glass full of back-washed toothpaste (another story for another time). But when it comes to embarrassing, I have to admit, my "moments" were more "periods in my life" of faltering character.

And, let's be honest, when someone asks you that question, they really have no interest in becoming a temporary therapist.

My New Obsession

Sometimes I stumble across people who are really, really, REALLY talented and I get obsessed - fast.

Here's the thing. I have a real appreciation for people who can sing... and not just "sing," but can SAAAAAANG. And I also have an appreciation for people who can do it in one take - LIVE. I also have an appreciation for people who do this and do it in a way that's healthy for their voice - when they hit the big high notes, you don't see veins popping out of their neck; they don't jut their chins out forward with tongue or neck tension; you can hear the placement of it resonating in all the right places according to what's appropriate for the range their singing in. And I appreciate when, within this package, there's an element of soul - heart. Putting their true self out there (this often involves some quirkiness they may come across as eccentric or "weird").

I also, apparently, have an appreciation for the word "appreciate."

So here's my new discovery. A british singer/songwriter named Jessica Cornish who falls under all of those things I mentioned up there. Or "Jessie J," I guess she goes by. She only has one single out right now (something about doing things "like a dude"). And I'm not a fan of that song, really (it's kind of.... "raunchy"). HOWEVER - I spent the girls' naptime today drooling over her amazing voice on youtube today.

Enjoy.







The story behind this last one is quite touching. When she was in the hospital as a young child (not sure why), she shared a room with a young boy in need of a heart transplant. One night, his crying woke her, and he was on the floor, praying to God. He died not long after, and this song was the first she ever wrote, inspired by him.




So - I plan to buy her album in the spring.... just sayin'.

How to Get Into Heaven

My junior year of early-morning seminary, our teacher decided it would be fun to give each of us a specialized "award." Some were sweet. Some were silly. Most were very applicable. The award I was given?

The "Can of Worms" award.

Yes - as far back as I can remember, I have had the ability to make something of nothing; to create chaos where peace has existed; to pretty much put my foot in my mouth. But this post is not about my ability to open said can of worms. I'm just preceding it with this explanation so that, in the case that some of you may be offended by what I'm about to say (which is possible), you can be comforted that I'm aware, and always have been, of the fact that sometimes I say too much, or simply, in the wrong way.

Oh well. :)

So, here's my beef:

I don't understand, within the LDS Church, people who "want" leadership callings. More specifically, people who find pride in either being, or being married to, someone in the Stake Presidency or Bishopric or Relief Society Presidency, etc.

Have I ever actually heard someone say, "I want to be in that calling" or "I want my spouse to be in that calling." Technically? No. But is there an air of pride and elitism when interacting with some of the people in these positions? Often? Yes.

And it totally irks me.

Why would a person WANT that kind of responsibility? Why would anyone actually crave the kind of stress, pressure, and responsibility those positions put on a person?

To quote my 5-year-old, Malia:
"I have a hypothesis"
(Yes. She actually says this).

For some reason, they have this cock-eyed, misconstrued idea that being in one of those callings somehow shows the rest of the members of their ward/stake how awesome they are. That, somehow, when extended such a calling, they are being proven to be among the more righteous members of the assembly. That, somehow, when asked to fulfill such duties, it's God's way of saying, "You're better than the rest of those insignificant peons."

Don't tell me you haven't met these people. They have that conspicuous demeanor. And I'm not implying that all the people I've ever known in these positions are this way. On the contrary, I've been fortunate to know many aren't. But the few that are, really... grate... on me. And it seems ironic, doesn't it? That these people see these callings where they are being asked to serve a large number of people, humbly, in God's name, as some sort of "badge" of honor and righteousness?

When David and I lived in Wymount, we lived in the most amazing ward of wonderful people. Something funny happened where, one week, I asked David, totally randomly, if he ever had the desire to be in the Bishopric. "No freaking way," was his reply. "I don't need that kind of stress and responsibility."

No lie - the next week he was called to be in the bishopric.

A while back, in our current ward, the stake president called, wanting to speak to David. I joked that he was going to be the Elder's Quorum President. "No thank you," he remarked. He was called as 2nd counselor *relief.* A few months later, the EQ President moved. Dave is now President. Now, realize, please, that he fulfills his calling to the best of his ability, and he never says no to any calling, no matter what. I'm just saying - someone who truly is worthy to serve in such a calling shouldn't WANT that calling, but be willing to serve in it to their greatest capacity.

I have absolutely no desire to be Relief Society President. And knowing full well that the fear that I'll say something stupid will most likely keep a Bishop from ever extending me that call, brings me great relief. If I were ever asked to serve in that capacity, would I do it? Of course. Have I ever said no to a calling? Nope. But I'm just saying, I wouldn't pick it for myself were I given the choice. I'm just not... "good enough." But then again, in my opinion, anyone who is asked to fill that position should feel the same. Then, they would be more willing to seek the Lord to aide them, and it would also create an accessibility to them that would make them really successful in serving in their calling, I think.

Have I ever actually heard a woman say, "I want to be Relief Society President! Oooo, pick me! Pick me!"? Not in those words, no. But I've heard it in the cutting remarks I hear when a woman criticizes the leadership of anyone in the ward or when they refer to the time when they were in that position and were so much more capable. And I've seen it in their faces when they knowingly glance through the corner of their eyes at each other in that pious way that some people do; the kind of people who don't really know what it means to actually seek approval from the Lord.

Honestly. I have met some nursery leaders who are some of the most amazing women I've ever encountered. Why we have that whole, "Some callings mean you're the better-est" dynamic, I don't know.

And it bugs me.

And if I were ever called to be the Relief Society President, it's the first thing I think I'd work to change.

... and that would be the only reason I'd ever "want" it. But otherwise, I'd like to stick with "lowly choir director" for as long as possible, thank you.

Thinking of Having Kids? Do This 15 Step Program First

I generally try to avoid posting someone else's witty ramblings, but this was just too good NOT to share:

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their…

1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior. Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel….

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this – all morning.

Lesson 6

1. Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint, turn it into an alligator.
2. Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas candle.
3. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower

Lesson 7

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 8

1. Get ready to go out.
2. Sit on the floor of your bathroom reading picture books for half an hour.
3. Go out the front door.
4. Come in again.Go out.
5. Come back in.
6. Go out again.
7. Walk down the front path.
8. Walk back up it.
9. Walk down it again.
10.Walk very slowly down the sidewalk for five minutes.
11. Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way.
12. Retrace your steps.
13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbors come out and stare at you.
14. Give up and go back into the house.

You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Lesson 9

Repeat everything you have learned at least (if not more than) five times.

Lesson 10

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is also excellent). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 11

1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine-month old baby.

Lesson 12

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you’re thinking What’s “Noggin”?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 13

Move to the tropics. Find or make a compost pile. Dig down about halfway and stick your nose in it. Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.

Lesson 14

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying “mommy” repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each “mommy”; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 15

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the “mommy” tape made from Lesson 14 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.