The Rumor Is...

... we'll be having another girl!

Basically, the technician couldn't find any "boy parts" - and even with a lot of smooshing and pushing, we just couldn't get her to uncross her legs. (wonderful - I'm having another stubborn girl... just what this family needs). But, the technician felt that there were a few times she did see what could almost undeniably make it a girl.

This morning as I was telling my sister we were going in for an anatomy scan today, she asked me what I thought it was. I said I had no idea, that I'd been unintentionally referring to it as a "he," but that my gut said it was a girl. As we drove to our appointment, David said, out-of-the-blue, that he'd been feeling like it was a girl. So, we're pretty much counting on it.

The technician pointed some things out that told her she was a girl, and I could see it, so there you have it! In fact, we're so sure we have no intentions on there being any surprise of it being anything otherwise (i.e. I will be painting the nursery a feminine color next week - no turning back now)!

Of course, there was a tiny part of us hoping for a boy, if only for the sake of "balancing" out our little family. But I did always want a sister for Malia, and now they will be close in age, and that's just awesome, in my opinion.

This time around we even got to record it onto a VHS, which is way cool! We'll have to take it in somewhere and have a DVD made. So, for now, settle for some really awesome pictures. The technician said she was really "photogenic," which basically meant that the fluid levels were good and that she was being cooperative for the most part. 10 fingers & toes. A beautiful heart. A fully developed brain. A healthy spine. We couldn't be happier!

Isn't she pretty?!!

*proud mama*

Guilty Confessions

Ok, so there are a few things in my life that I really think I should probably work on a little. These aren't spiritual sins or legal matters (those are personal) :). They're more "silly," so I figured that my blog might be a good way to get them out into the universe so that maybe I would begin to find the willpower to change these things.

*Washing Towels
I really should be better about this. I am pretty sure my mom washed towels at least once a week when I was a kid. But, for some reason, I don't even think about it until a good 2-3 weeks go by and they start to smell funny. I know that sounds absolutely disgusting, and my home is fairly clean... fairly. AND, we have our OWN washer & dryer which I picked out myself and absolutely LOVE. But me and washing towels just hardly ever happens. Well, me & laundry in general. I just don't love doing it. I need to work on that.

*Target
This store is the bane of my existence. I can NOT go into this place without buying something. We have one just kitty-corner from our home and it is a big problem. Sometimes, when I'm trying to think of something to do to entertain Malia, we decide to take a walk... to Target. We're supposed to be on a budget here! But I can't exit the store without purchasing, at the very least, a pack of gum. And even though the merchandise probably stays the same weeks at a time, I still find myself strolling through the home decor and clothing aisles at least once a week. Must stop.

*Do we put Malia in commercials?
Ok, this isn't really a confession so much as a thought. David and I have been amazed since the day Malia was born at how many compliments the child gets on her looks alone. Who knew?! Not only that, but she also has more than enough personality to boot. She is an absolute ham (no clue where she got that...). She will say literally any phrase I tell her to say. She makes faces that associate with 1/2 a dozen emotions on cue. (I'll post pix later). We sometimes talk about putting her in commercials. But we never really get around to the first step. Plus, do I really want one of "those" kids?

*Speaking of Malia...
... she's onto me. I don't know what it is, but whenever I leave the room to shower or do a load of laundry or clean something up, she is content doing whatever I left her to do. But if I am naughty and decide to go browse the Internet for no-good-reason or go into the kitchen to sneak a snack or turn the TV on downstairs to get a peek at whatever trash is currently on, she desperately starts calling for me. She knows when I'm indulging into something I probably shouldn't, no matter how silently I do it. This is a guilty confession because I guess I shouldn't be doing those things... and she's my little Jiminy Cricket.

*Trashy Reality TV
I. am. addicted. And the trashier, the better. All of those disgusting "Celebrity Dating shows" on VH1 & MTV (Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, I Love New York, etc.)? Yep. Seen 'em all. All seasons. Could probably name all the winners. Sad.

*Making OCD lists
I am such a list maker. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. What's bad is that I NEVER actually use them! When I am preparing for something that overwhelms me a little, I sit down and make lists to calm me down and get myself organized. And then I never refer to it! Then I will run across the stupid thing a few days later and think, "Hm. I should've used this." Lame.

Ok, this next one is more a fear, and not really a confession, but I have to get it off my chest.

*I am scared out of my mind for this second baby!
I know the reason,too. Malia's colic was so severe and lasted for so painfully long and caused me so much heartache and spiritual depression that I have no concept of what it's like to actually enjoy a newborn. I know the odds that this one won't have colic are pretty good, and I obviously know what to do otherwise. But my brain has no understanding or concept of what a "normal" 1-6 month old is like. I know them as constantly screaming, never sleeping, nursing poorly, and driving me insane... quite literally. I'm just afraid to do that again, all while trying to raise a 3-year-old at the same time. AND David is working now, whereas, with Malia, he was in school, and I could call him home whenever I was feeling homicidal. I'm just nervous. I'm not great with the unexpected these days. I used to be a much more exciting and spontaneous person. *sigh*

Ok... that's it for now. Ahhhhh... my chest feels not near as heavy...

... not really. Now that you all truly know my foibles and fears, I feel even more overwhelmed because I am now acountable. LOL. How ironic.

Ah, the Good Ol' Days

.... so, not like I actually LIVED at this time.

But I did grow up in a house where these women were what I knew of great singers. I wasn't really exposed to modern pop culture until somewhere around junior high. Since then I have, admittedly, immersed myself in all of the intellect-draining trash of today's tabloid-monopolizing divas. I'm sorry... but I just can't look away from a good train wreck. But, when I come back to moments like the one below that remind me of when I was a kid and when I was only exposed to real talent and a real understanding of music, it brings out incredible emotion in me. It reminds me of the gift of music and why it was given to me. To truly entertain.

Duets between the Mariahs or Whitneys or Christinas will never hold a candle to these women. Real heart. Real soul. A real love of what it means to "sing" and do it for no other reason then simply... to sing.

ENJOY!

Catching Up

Ok, so I guess some things are going on and my life is a little bit hectic right now, and apparently, I haven't blogged in a while. I didn't realize people cared that much until I started getting e-mails saying, "Um... what happened?!" So, this'll be one of those "Drive-by blogs," where I just throw a ton of random information your way.

David and I celebrated our 6th Wedding Anniversary a month ago, and my mom came down to watch Malia so we could go to the temple. It's a tradition of ours to do sealings on (or as closed to) our anniversary every year. The only year we "missed" the tradition was last year, but that was because L.A. traffic was so bad that the temple wasn't doing anymore sealing sessions. It was too late at night and and so we had to do a different ordinance. It still kind of counts. Here are a couple of pictures from the day:

This is Malia in front of the Newport Beach Temple, taking her "baby" for a walk.

Malia felt it was necessary to drink both drinks at the same time just because the waitress had given her 2.

Malia actually took this picture of us herself.... no lie!

As far as "Wannabe Wicked" is concerned: I had to perform first (that sucks), but I did get picked to be a finalist which basically means I will be performing again on August 20th, and I will be competing against finalists that were chosen on other nights. I tried uploading the video, but I'm guessing it's just too huge....?

Next week we should be finding out what the gender of Peanut Nutter is. That's exciting. Of course a boy would be nice in order to even things out, but we wanted a boy last time and ended up with a girl and couldn't be happier. So whatever God sends, he sends... as long as it's healthy. We'll try to keep you updated.

In 2 weeks we'll be taking our first road trip with a toddler (YIKES!) because we're heading up to Utah for my sister, Cindy's, wedding. We wish we could fly, but, heavens, if prices aren't ridiculous right now... and Malia is no longer free. Guh. Good thing the kid loves her pixar movies and thank the technology gods for the portable DVD player. We'll let you know how it goes... if we're still alive. A 2-tear-old strapped to her carseat for 10 hours and a pregnant woman needing potty stops every hour. This should be a joy.

That's the nutshell for now. I may go bananas because our Church callings and obligations on top of everything else is overwhelming us right now. Seriously. It's like, we're bored out of our minds with nothing to do and then KA-BLOOEY! When it rains it pours.

Security is Underrated

WARNING: long-winded!

Ok. So I am incredibly embarrassed that this post is inspired by "The Bachelorette." I've never really been into that whole series. This time around, I watched the first episode and I was HOOKED! And from the first 10 minutes, I knew who I wanted her to choose in the end. I watched this show religiously (DVR and everything) through the entire process, promising myself that when/if he (the guy I liked) was eliminated, I'd stop watching. To my total surprise, he made it to the finale as the final 2. BUT... she didn't pick him. I was shocked. I really was. And here's why:

Yeah, so he was divorced and he had a 3-year-old son. And while divorce isn't the greatest trait in a potential mate, it wasn't something he had chosen. His ex had decided to fall in love with someone else and leave her son behind. So this man was raising this little boy entirely on his own. Throughout the show, as all the other men drove me nuts with their testosterone-driven aggressiveness and jealous competitiveness, the one I liked, this divorcee', was always the gentleman, always kind - even to the other men - and always, ALWAYS smiling. I adored him for her. Heck, I adored him for anyone.

But I am not writing this to give a summary of the show or to be the founding president of his fan club. I want to discuss something that drives me NUTS about women and their ideals of what love is.

Before I met David, every guy I got seriously involved with I thought I was "in love" with. I have said, since then, that I was never truly in love. And I say that because of some very important elements: safety, security, & selflessness.

Not passion. Not drama. Not fireworks, walks on the beach, or candlelit dinners. On the show, she chose the guy that surprised her. She chose the "man" (I put quotes because he seemed a lot like a teenager to me) that changed the rules of everything she thought she'd ever wanted. The reason this bothers me is because when she turned down my choice, she told him she knew she'd have happiness, safety, & security with him, but that she was "in love" with someone else. Yeah, yeah, I know. It's important to be "in love." But anyone who watched that show canNOT deny she didn't have major feelings for both of them. She just wanted to be with the "exciting" one. Bah.

Let me tell you something, ladies... you with your fantasies of what love is about. Stop watching these stupid movies where these lame-oid guys win women over by constantly messing up and then making out, but keeping the girl because of their whimsical and fancy-free ways. We are looking for companions here; not sons to raise.

In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis writes in a chapter called, "Christian Marriage." (I recommend that chapter to anyone who ever has been, is currently, or intends to, ever be married, i.e., everyone!). And he talks about the unhealthy notion of planning on being "passionately in love" for all of your life. I have so much to say about it. But I can't word it as good as he can, so I'll just quote him and say "ditto." (Bolds and italics added 'cause I wanted to):

"What we call 'being in love' is a glorious state, and, in several ways, good for us. It helps to make us generous and courageous, it opens our eyes not only to the beauty of the beloved but to all beauty... No one in his senses would deny that being in love is far better than either common sensuality or cold self-centredness. But, as I said before, 'the most dangerous thing you can do is to take any one impulse of our own nature and set it up as the thing you ought to follow at all costs'. Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing... You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called 'being in love' usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending 'They lived happily ever after' is taken to mean 'They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,' then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be 'in love' need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense... is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit... They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be 'in love' with someone else. 'Being in love' first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."

So, you MUST read the whole chapter because he goes on with such logic but spiritual insight all at the same time.

My point is this. I had my fair share of silly little romantic flings that were filled with such strong infatuation and drama that I was convinced, EACH TIME, that I was meant to be with that person - that we were soul mates. And then I met David. Kind, secure, priesthood-worthy David. And I never would have guessed, in those first few months, that I would marry him. And then I grew up. I realized that marriage was going to be more than "YAY! Every day with you is so fun and awesome!" (Imagine that last sentence in your best ignorant, naive', valley-girl voice). I knew he would cherish me and take care of me for all eternity... even when we were old and ugly.... and I'd say fat, but been there done that, and he's still here... so....

So, I say security is underrated. There was a time when people's marriages were arranged on the good intentions and insight of their parents. And although, I thank the heavens ABOVE that I live in a time where I am free to choose someone I love and cherish on my own will... I don't forget that the divorce rate was much lower in those ancient times. There was something to the concept that, "for better or for worse," you stick by someone... even when/if the passion dies.

That is why God intended for us to be married. He wanted us to learn to be better people for it. To learn to love, even in the ugly times. To choose wisely and not on a whim driven by lusts... but by real love. Charitable, unconditional, long-lasting love. The quiet kind.

The kind the stupid entertainment industry still needs to make a movie about...

P.S. After reading this to David, he said it makes us sound like we have no passion in our lives at all. That is not the case. I say, "That's none of ya'll's bid-ness..."