Most of you know (in fact, with my blabber mouth, it'll be a miracle if any of you DON'T), that I got really close to being offered my dream job/role a little over a year ago. But for those of you who haven't heard about it (again, that would be miraculous), it's STORY TIME!
On a whim, after driving for 3 hours through paralyzed traffic on the 101 in the heart of L.A., a drive that usually only took 1/2 an hour from my house, with a restless 10-month-old fussing in her carseat, I auditioned for what was going to be a brand new production of "Wicked" opening in L.A. I simply walked into the audition, exhausted and irritated... and it didn't help that I could hear my child, who was dealing with severe separation anxiety after the move to California, screaming outside while my sister tried to soothe her. I was in a terrible frame of mind and expected nothing more from the audition then a fun little experience. I sang my piece, and as I was fully prepared to smile, say "thank you," and head on my merry way, the casting director asked me if I knew any songs from the show. At that point, I proceeded to sing 3 more songs in a span of about 10 minutes.
He then asked me if I'd be available for a callback the next day for the part of the Elphaba understudy (the leads had already been cast long before the auditions). In complete shock, I stuttered through an explanation of being a stay-at-home mom to a child bound by a strict sleep schedule and a husband who worked 9 to 5. He said "fair enough" and called his assistant in. "See this girl?" he said to his assistant, referring to me. "She is a mommy with a tight schedule and a busy husband. I need you to take her outside and find whatever time possible that she could squeeze us in tomorrow."
Whoa.
Well, long story short (too late), I showed up at a callback the next morning. There I was, standing in front of a world-famous casting director, the musical director, and the director. At one point, the music director said to me, "All I want to hear on this song is sheer volume. Just do your best to fill the space with as much sound as you can."
Are you freaking kidding me?! Could this be any more perfect for me?
After my callback, which I felt went surprisingly well, the casting director asked me to wait outside. After a few minutes, he pulled me aside and asked me to come back AGAIN. He wanted me to come back the next day to see how well I could move at the dance auditions and to have the producers take a look at me. I could not believe any of this! Well, turned out I had a very important wedding to attend to the next day. I can't go into too much detail, but I felt very strongly that I just couldn't make too many sacrifices at this point. After I said I couldn't make it, he looked me dead in the eye, and asked me about 1/2 a dozen times, "are you sure?" I let him know.... I was sure.... "I think." He said, "Ok. We have your number then."
And that was that. Never heard from them again.
Didn't help that I later realized I hadn't updated my resume and that the phone number I'd listed was from out-of-state before the move, and was no longer mine.
I cried about it once or twice (or 50 times), but eventually came to peace with myself knowing it would have been nearly impossible what with the commute and also that, even though I would be with Malia all day, once her daddy got home, I'd have to jet... and we'd never be together as a complete family.
So, blah, blah, blah.
They're holding auditions in a week. Same bat show. Same bat place.
Do I go?
Do I deal, AGAIN, with possibly facing the decision of sacrificing our simple, humble, totally broke, yet beautiful current circumstances, for a blip of doing what I thought I always wanted? Motherhood is the greatest blessing in the world, and while I wouldn't be giving it up, I'd definitely be putting a strain on things.
.... help...
24 comments:
Oh, Tiff. Tricky indeed. But. You are amazing and have the kind of faith I hope to have someday. I work in the temple on Tuesday mornings, and I'll put your name on the prayer roll to give you a little extra help on this.
Love you!
Tiffany,
Well, I hadn't heard that story so that was all new to me!
Oh man, i don't know what I would do. I guess just going to the audition and seeing what options you have wouldn't hurt. Tough spot. You are such a great person and I love your blog.
This is a potentially life altering decision. I think Fran has it right, a lot of prayer is going to be needed to sort this one out. Whatever you choose to do you are going to look back and wonder if you made the right decision. Unless you have the confirmation of the spirit ... then you can live life knowing that you did what was best for you and your family!
I know you already know this, I'm just writing it down for you : )
Tiffany-
What an incredibly difficult decision for you! You have been given such an amazing gift. Your talent to perform can edify and uplift many people.
I know you'll be guided in little ways, that you will recognize, that the Lord is mindful of your every desire. Move forward with faith and you will receive answers to your prayers.
I support you 100% either way you decide. :)
Hey Tiffany!
Wow, that sounds just great. Since you asked...:) I think you have a couple of advantages: 1) you're extremely talented, and 2) you don't NEED this audition to be successful/happy. That being said, it's not fair for the committee for you to go in if you don't have a way to get all the way through.
So, if you REALLY want this, then I KNOW you can pull it off. Just talk with Dave and come up with a plan. Create a way to make it flexible so you know that no matter what you can go all the way.
I'm so happy for you and for this opportunity! I think you can do it, and I know you want to. So do it girl!
Thanks for posting so we can all keep tabs on your talent :). You go!
By the way, remember that the scriptures say bridle your passions, not stifle them. In other words, stick some reins on those and ride 'em!
Good luck!
I'm remembering that not too long ago Dave & Eric were chatting online and Dave mentioned how much you both miss performing. It's hard to imagine you two not involved in a show. Part of me says go for it - the show won't last forever and it'll be awesome while it lasts. Another part of me knows that would mean leaving Malia and understands how much of a sacrifice that would be on your part and Dave's.
So I guess that's not really helpful one way or the other -- other than saying that I know you could make it work!
I really really really really want to say the same thing as everybody else and tell you to pray about it and then do what feels right. And I think that's excellent advice. I say 'amen' to everything that has already been said.
But my gut says DO IT. GO! If you think there's any way you can make it work, then do it. You have a gift and talent to share with the world. This could open so many doors for you to share the gospel, or even maybe give voice lessons or something to earn a little extra cash. I think that there are a myriad of opportunities that could come from something like this. So there's my unabashed opinion. :)
If you do decide to go, pray that you will find a way to make it work with your family. And that you'll still be able to feel like a good mother. And it's a limited amount of time, so if it ends up not being a good thing, it will be over after a certain amount of time, and then perhaps future decisions won't be as hard. But you're young and you have this amazing opportunity that other people would die to have. I say do it. :)
... and if you end up doing it, LET ME KNOW. I want to come see it. :)
Wow! That IS so tricky. I'm going to go out on a limb and say... DO IT! It sounds so stressful. Just thinking about it is stressful for me and I'm not even doing it. BUT it would be an amazing opportunity. You are so talented. It would be so nutty (or Nutter..hee hee), but why not give it a shot?
But I will add to what everyone else said - I know you will make the best decision. You will do what you're supposed to do. Do what the Lord wants you to do.
Good luck, Tiffany. You rock!
Easy....YES and get CAST! It will work out. Sorry to be so blunt. I aint no mother and not married but I think there is no wrong doing in getting cast in an awesome show. You'll make it work.. Now, go to that audition and get IT! I wanna see you in the show. Point blank!
Okay, I am totally with everyone else on the whole, make sure you have the Lord's approval. You do and will have the ability to understand the Lord's will.
Now, to take this purely from my actress side I would say, as long as you don't feel a strong no, GO FOR IT! The Lord cannot force things to happen if you do not do your part. Who knows where this will lead and how this could affect you and your family. It could just be a great confirmation that staying at home is what you definately want and need to do. It could be that they pass on you now and a while later they decide to use you. It could be that it works out amazingly well and you feel wonderful about fulfilling a life long dream. My feeling is, unless you know that it is a "No", go with your gut instincts.
Wow, I am completely long winded, sorry. YOU ARE AMAZING!!!
Okay, I wouldn't really say that you and I are 'tight' enough for me to be this frank with you normally, but you definately strike me as a 'give it to me straight' kind of girl. And you asked for it, right?
So, this is what I say. Don't do it girl. Sounds like it was agonizing last go-around (and rightfully so), and I really doubt the answer you got last time from God would be any different this time. Chances are "the Wicked people" WOULD be interested in you once again (they ain't stupid) and chances are this still won't be the right thing for your young family. Nothing about this scenario has really changed. So unless you feel before the audition that you could accept an offer, I say don't do it to yourself again. You are already awesome and accomplished. Them saying they want you is not really necessary.
And, in the bizarre circumstance that they would have someone other than you in mind for the role this year, it would really stink to have that be your lasting memory of Wicked. Leave 'em wanting more, you know?
Okay. There is my honest opinion. I would love to see you on stage someday. So, when it happens, I expect extensive blog posts and friend-discount tickets.
Tiffany,
Obviously I'm not a mother and have no idea what it entails. But I do think that you would regret it if you didn't go for it...always carrying around the "what if". Maybe by giving it another shot you'll have a clearer idea if it is right or not. You are so talented and I wish you the best in motherhood and your career!
I suppose I'll put in my two cents, although I know that you will make the right decision for you either way, no matter what I think the right decision would be for me.
I agree with Lesley--I wouldn't do it. And I know it's hard because you feel like you can accomplish so much and this is what you truly love. Being a mom doesn't mean that you have to get rid of your love and talents, but it does if it means your family suffers.
Just my opinion :)
Wow. I can't add to this discussion. But hey, I love ya Tiff! Good luck whichever way you decide!
Tiffany,
I empathize with you on the difficulty of your situation! I asked you for advice on a similar (but way less prestigious) situation right after my son was born, remember? Listen, it would be hard to leave your daughter and husband every time you had a show, but maybe the sacrifice is worth it. Right now, you only have one child, right? And I'm assuming that one day, there will be more than that. What I'm saying is--right now your ONE child is probably old enough to not need mommy every second like she used to. Plus, it's not like you'd be putting her in day care if you got it. Mommy during the day, daddy at night. You wouldn't be LESS of a good mother. You'd just be a busier one. (I've struggled with that guilt from even WANTING to do a show). Just make sure that both you and Dave are aware and willing to do what it takes to make it work.
Since we're both performers we know that the drive never goes away. If you don't at least try, you never know! It's not like you'll have opportunities like this forever. Plus, contracts don't last forever. If it didn't work out for you, you wouldn't have to renew.
I've probably told you a lot of what you knew already, but I hope this helps anyway!! Let us know what happens!
Laurel
Honestly, I been thinking about this all day long, wondering what I would say to you. I'm still in a funk. I wish I had something amazing profound to say, but that has never been my role. As long as I've know you Tiff- YOU were the advice giver. You ALWAYS knew how to solve all my problems- or at least share your opinion about them.:)
That is something I've always admired about you, you've always had such a "circumspect" outlook on life. I would just say what advice would you give yourself?
I linked to your blog from Celeste's. I actually met you at Celeste's bridal shower, I think, way back in the day.
Anyway, I am amazed at the similarities between your experience and mine, except mine was with Les Mis. I went on a whim, got called back, came back later, they wanted to cast me but I had just moved and had the wrong phone number on my resume--yeah, see what I mean? Anyway, when I went back to audition again I was a few months pregnant and during the audition I had this incredible feeling of peace wash over me. I didn't really get it at first because I assumed that it meant that I was going to be cast but I was pregnant so what gives? Eventually, I realized that it just meant that everything was going to be OK and that I was doing the right thing. If I would have gotten cast in the show, then I would not have gotten pregnant and I don't even want to think about how different my life would be. When I look at my four awesome kids now, I am so glad that they had the wrong number. No matter what decision you make, you will always find opportunities to use your wonderful talents. I know that. You seem like an amazing mom and I'm sure you'll end up doing what feels right for you and your family.
My answer is plain and simple like Tony's- DO IT. You need to go to the audition so that you're not thinking "What if..." for the next few years of your life. If you go to the audition, that's what it is, an AUDITION. You will most likely go through a series of auditions, and THEN, if the stars align and you ARE cast- you could make a decision. (Which I assume would be to take the role.) Also remember that if you were cast you literally could do the show for a FEW MONTHS. People come and go from companies like Wicked CONSTANTLY. If, for a few months, a year, whatever, you were in the show, you could always give your notice and leave when you feel it's time. But really- I just don't want you to keep wondering "WHAT IF?" I say just GO and FIND OUT. :-)
Oh yeah. And I'm jealous because I AM DYING to go to that audition on Monday. Dang job in Florida... ha ha.
I realize I also have no place to tell you what to do, and of course it comes down to prayer, faith and inspiration...
But what an incredible opportunity! I just want to add that if you decide to go for it, don't feel guilty about it for one minute! I am a complete advocate for mother's being at home with their children, but I also think that part of this life is to follow our dreams. Your dreams include being a mom AND being a performer. Don't feel like you have to give up one for the other. If it's the right time in your life, there will be a way for it to work out.
Good luck!
Tiff - I'm very happy to have found your blog address on your Facebook page. I've loved catching up on your adventures in Cali.
As far as this situation goes, this is a tough one. I tried to put myself in your shoes and I think I would have made the same decision to stay at home.
Being together as a family is so important. But I think being true to your heart is important too. I lived for many years thinking "what if" and it wasn't until I took the opportunity to do some auditions in NYC that I was able to come to the conclusion that I could be performing in NYC if I wanted to. I needed to decide if I wanted to. After looking around at the life I would be living, I decided I didn't want to. I decided I might be risking the kind of family and life I truly wanted to have for myself and I went back to Utah. And met Neal.
If doing this show would mean compromising the dream of the kind of mom you've always wanted to be, you'll regret doing the show. If not trying out for the show means you are going to be plagued thoughts wishing you had tried again, then you should go try out and let the chips fall where they may. If Heavenly Father wants you to be Elphaba, you will be. :)
Tiff...go. You can make it work. I'm in a show right now with a 6 month old and ya IT'S HARD, but Lamar and I split our time with him and it works. I pass him off to Lamar at 5pm and go to rehearsal...am home by 10 in time to put him to bed. Lamar really enjoys his daddy/Brendan time at night. And I get him all day. Lamar and I see eachother for an hour at night and at 5 I bring dinner to work. It is a sacrifice, but the show only lasts a little while, a dream achieved lasts forever. :)
Wow this is quite a decision. I don't know much about the professional theater world but I would say if you can have a short contract (1 year or less) I would say go for it! It is such a short amount of time and then the show might refuel your tank to last you a few years before you can perform again.
The only thing I would consider is whether or not you are wanting to get pregnant again. Obviously they would not want you pregnant while in the role, so you'd have to decide whether or not it's worth it to put off having more kids to be in the show.
I definitely don't envy your decision (but I do envy your talent!). I know you'll make the right decision...just look at how courageous you were in turning it down the last time! Good luck whichever way you choose!
So you didn't go..did you? Is this the audition you decided not to go to because it was on Sunday? Oh, man.
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