Shell-shocked

It's amazing how some things in life never really phase us, and how some things blow us over harder then we could've imagined.

Today, as I was browsing through facebook and friends' blogs, I received some terrible news. A friend of mine who I knew at BYU, we'd had some classes in the MDT program together... and we bonded over similar reputations of lunacy... just went through an incredibly traumatizing experience.

We haven't "spoken" in a few years. But through mutual friends, pursuits, and the internet, we've still managed somewhat to stay in touch. She was always a very witty, talented, and spiritual girl. I admired her for her wisdom, her sense of humor, and her testimony. I like to think, maybe, we made each other laugh.

Earlier this week, her only little baby girl, (I don't want to name her or her child... simply out of respect for their current situation), choked on an apple while they were getting her into her carseat after Church. They tried the Heimlich, but were unsuccessful. This angel, only 6 months younger then my Malia, was then life-flighted to Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake. There, they removed the bit of apple from her lung with surgery. Problem is, she hadn't been breathing for over 20 minutes.

Over the week, they dealt with the thought that she would most likely be very brain-damaged, if she lived at all. Yesterday, her phenomenal parents - my friend - her mother - had to make the difficult decision to take her off of life support. The little girl, not even 2-years-old, has returned to her Heavenly Father.

I am sharing this story for 2 reasons. The first is selfish. When I heard about this, I was completely thrown. I don't know exactly what it was that did it to me, but I have been nearly inconsolable for quite some time now (thank heavens Malia is napping). I've written my friend a few messages here & there on the internet. But, for some reason, it is tearing me up inside. I felt that, if maybe I blogged about it, I could get some of the "owie" out of my heart.

The second reason, is the more obvious one. Please pray for them. I know I have left her identity unanimous, but I felt that I shouldn't talk about who they were due to the fact that this is a very hard and sacred time for her and her family. But I know the Lord knows who I am talking about, so I still think you can pray for them. Pray for their hearts to be comforted. Pray for their lives to be filled with as much joy as possible... so that the sorrow can't consume them. Pray for their perspectives.

She is a phenomenal woman and is already demonstrating incredible faith against all odds. I don't doubt she will be able to get through this. But I still feel as if any little prayer could definitely help.

I'm going to go retrieve Malia from her nap now... and hold her as tight as possible.

A Man of God who walked with men

My senior year of high school, I was asked to bear my testimony in my home ward. It was a basic testimony of all of the crucial elements of the Gospel. But then I made a statement that caused the congregation to roar with laughter. "I love President Hinckley. He's just so cute, I can't stand it! I want to pinch his cheeks."

I didn't think much of that statement until one of my Young Women Leaders approached me after Sacrament Meeting and asked, "Isn't that kind of, I don't know, blasphemous?"

I all of the sudden felt really embarrassed. My intentions were not meant to be sacrilegious or disrespectful in any way. I really did think he was adorable! And I meant it with the utmost of respect.

I don't really know how to put into words exactly what I felt for President Gordon B. Hinckley. The reason is because there was something I appreciated about him beyond his prophetic calling. There was a certain thing that drew me to him; I felt connected to him.

It was his sense of humor.

I remember sitting in a temple prep. class with David when we were engaged to be married and hearing the teacher say something scriptural about the inappropriateness of loud laughter. At that point, I knew I was doomed.

But the character of President Hinckley beyond and outside of his duties as God's mouthpiece and the Leader of the Church, was inspiring. For me, it meant that much more that he would playfully joke.... right over the sacred pulpit at General Conference. I was grateful that maybe I wasn't so bad. The greatest living man on the face of the earth had a funny bone as well. So maybe I was okay.

He was so much more then a Prophet to me. He was an example of someone who loved life and enjoyed life. Growing up, I knew that it must be okay somewhere to actually have fun in your life while also living the Gospel. I was convinced that it couldn't all be drab and dull. He was proof to me that I was right. I was relieved to think that while I had failings elsewhere, my humor and wit wasn't necessarily one of them.

I can't selfishly justify, however, that he should've stayed longer. It was his time. He had accomplished more then enough. And in my mind, I like to entertain the possibility that when he saw his precious Marjorie for the first time since her passing, that after a long and loving embrace, she glared at him and teased, "What took you so long?"

President Hinckley did so much for the Church. He built countless temples. He was an incredible force for missionary work. He utilized the media in a positive way for the reputation of the Church. He gushed over the youth and reminded them of their special calling. He showed devotion to women and mothers. He was tireless in his international efforts. He was the epitome of a man driven by the work of God.

But, for me, personally?

He made me feel okay about being me.

And for that, he will be forever missed.